Monster
by amour tue lentement
Summary: Kira - the world's greatest criminal, and the the two greatest detectives in one. "Kira" delivered their justice for years, until an accident wiped L's memory. His new, life is cut short when he finds himself targeted by strange enemies, and Kira himself.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the series, yada yada.**  
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**Prompts: **The theme of this story:_ dark romance_. The main characters: _courageous secretary and infamous outlaw_. The major event of the story: _destruction_.

**Check out The L*Light Generator Challenge :D **http: / forum. fanfiction. net/ topic/ 75103/ 25974122 /1/ #27161143  
(just delete all the spaces & etc.)

**Warning: **(As of this chapter) AU - Kira was the world's greatest criminal, hailed from the two greatest detectives. L Lawliet has lost all memory of Kira, and of his partner in crime, Raito.

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**Prologue**

**::**

_Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it._

**-Michel de Montaigne**

**::**

Aizawa had always hated this time of day.

He pulled the car into the empty space, sighing and ducking his head for a moment. The scenery did nothing to lift his mood - in fact, the calm quiet of it only made things worse. The sun painted the sky orange in a way that made the world look more like a painting than reality. Why was it that the world was always beautiful when times were unpleasant? The man removed his seat belt slowly, waiting until he heard the passenger in his car do the same before getting out of the car.

"Aizawa, nothing about this place changes," the other man, a lanky one with large, unblinking black eyes said flatly. He shuffled over to the nearest tombstone, the usual spot. For a moment, he stood there, biting his thumbnail and staring at the grave as though there was supposed to be something different about it. "Bringing me here every Sunday is beginning to get tedious, I'm sure on both sides."

"Ryuzaki," Aizawa stood by the car, watching the man curiously. His eyes were narrowed slightly, laced with suspicion, and something else - something wistful. "Read the marker."

_"L Lawliet; October 31st to November 5th." _Ryuzaki recited it without looking. "Why is it that there aren't any years?"

Aizawa didn't answer, too busy scrutinizing his companion. He felt his heart sink a few feet when no light bulb went off over Ryuzaki's head, when those dark eyes failed to light up. There was only nothingness.

"Hm, something has changed," Ryuzaki said, taking no notice in the fact that he was being studied. Or maybe he just didn't care. It must have been routine to him; being dragged here by a different officer every week, to stare at the same tomb and read what it said. He could never quite understand why they would waste their time - it wasn't as if he were someone important to the police. Ryuzaki was only there to take calls and make coffee runs.

He bent down for a moment, hugging his knees to his chest in an awkward position. "Someone left a flower here - a blue rose. Where would someone find one of those? Must've taken effort."

He turned around suddenly, eyes boring holes through Aizawa's skull. "Did a lot of people care for this L Lawliet?"

Aizawa blinked. "Many. They just didn't know it."

**::**

Misa Amane hated L Lawliet with every fiber of her being.

She couldn't fight the feeling that there was something in her chest, trying to claw it's way out when she saw Raito sitting in front of his laptop, staring at the screen. Her hands balled into fists at her sides, the ends of her nails digging grooves into her palm. Once upon a time, Light had smiled. But now, his face was expressionless. His amber eyes held only annoyance and determination, nothing like the way they had shone before. All because of L.

_"Raiiitoo," _she sang, plastering a fake smile on her face and wrapping her arms around his shoulders from behind. She kissed his cheek, trying to pretend she couldn't feel him stiffening. Misa held on to him as tightly as she could, hoping that maybe this moment would last longer than a few seconds. Maybe for once, he'd let her be happy. "Misa feels like she hasn't seen Raito-kun in years!"

He shrugged her off abruptly, standing up and brushing his hands off on his pants. There was no smile, no real reaction. Once upon a time, he would ask her how she was doing. Now, she got absolutely nothing.

Feeling, like an idiot, Misa somehow found her voice. "He's dead. You're not gonna find him."

Raito grabbed her by the shoulders, turning her around and slamming her against the wall. Hard. A few dusty law books fell from the shelf besides her, crashing to the floor. His teeth were bared like an animal's, eyes blazing. "He's alive!" He spat, shaking her roughly. "He's...he's..." Unable to find the right words, Raito suddenly released her, taking a few steps back like he couldn't believe what he'd just done. Misa stood, still on the wall, watching him with large brown eyes.

"Rai-"

He waved her off with a shaky hand. He stalked off towards the door, slamming it shut behind him. Misa knew that he was only pretending to be angry, he was more lost than anything else.

Misa continued leaning on the wall, eyes wandering around the small room. They rested on a glass vase filled with blue roses.

**::**

The drive back to Ryuzaki's apartment felt almost as though it lasted for years. Aizawa was completely silent, the only sound coming from the wrappers of candy Ryuzaki had been opening, one after another. The older man unlocked the doors, only nodding when Ryuzaki bade him farewell. His face was empty, but his eyes were glistening with what looked like tears. Before Ryuzaki could question it, Aizawa pulled away from the curb and drove off.

Ryuzaki turned around, watching the passing joggers as they headed down the street. There was something about other people that never failed to interest him - he could people watch for hours. It was there, watching the world go by that he caught the eyes of someone who had been headed across the street in the opposite direction.

The man stopped just as he was about to cross, his amber eyes meeting Ryuzaki's huge black ones. He stood there, frozen, not moving a muscle. Eventually,he squinted, and his lips moved to form a word. _"Eru?" _A horrible smirk slid across his face, and his eyes - those oddly-colored ones that kept Ryuzaki transfixed - widened, filed with childish joy. The man grinned, there was something a bit sinister about his smile. For reasons Ryuzaki couldn't figure out, it sent chills down his spine.

He couldn't tell if it was good or bad.

The man started walking towards him briskly, a devious smile on his face. He broke out into a jog, like a child running towards Santa Claus at the mall.

Something turned over in Ryuzaki's stomach - something he wasn't too sure about. Who was this man? What was 'Eru' supposed to mean? There was a weird feeling brewing up inside of him, one he wasn't sure how to handle. Was it dread? Anticipation? Curiosity? Something about it scared him, and before he knew it, Ryuzaki found himself rushing into his apartment building before the man could get any closer. He closed the door behind him, heart pumping much faster than it should have been.

Ryuzaki took a deep breath before turning around and staring through the tiny peephole on the door. He squinted through it, scouring the street for the brown-eyed man.

There was nobody there.

**::**

_"See this, L?" Raito leaned casually against the rail. There was an odd hunger in his eyes, a lustful greed. The brunette turned around to face L, watching him carefully. "It's our world."_

_His raven companion nodded, studying the view. Well, when you looked at it this way, it was definitely impressive. There was a certain ring to it also, 'our world'. "Kira's world."_

_Raito traced his finger underneath L's chin, so that the older man turned around to look him in the eyes. "That's what I said isn't it?" He pulled L close, dangerously close. His breath tingled against L's cheek. "Our world."  
_


	2. Eat My Heart

**AN: **All those people who added this to story alert ~ you're awesome :D. I apologize for any fillerness, but I thought the first time L and Misa met Raito would be important sooner or later.

The first flashback was inspired by the scene in the second season when Sidoh appears, and Light and Misa are on the couch. "Did Misa do good Light?" -Only a short while ago, he'd knocked a tray of drinks out of her hands because of what happened with Sayu, and suddenly he was back to being a "loving boyfriend". Did that make anyone else's skin crawl?

**Kira's Killing Notes**: (1) Potassium Chloride breaks down in the body, and the sodium can cause heart attacks. (2) Cyanide was the main ingredient of Zyklon B, and is found in Potassium Cyanide, which looks like salt.

**Warnings: **Manipulation via sexual tension, A lot of italics (I know it gives some of you guys headaches), Some Language

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**Une**

**::**

_You little monster_

_He ate my heart, he a-a-ate my heart_**  
**

_He ate my heart, he a-a-ate my heart out_

_You amaze me  
_

**-Lady Gaga; **Monster

**::**

_Kira was, according to Raito, to become god. And what was a god without a loyal band of worshipers? L had been opposed to the idea - they were bringing justice, not manipulating innocent people. But Raito had made it sound only natural; their followers were going to be followers of justice as well, showing their support._

_Their first worshiper was named Misa, Misa Amane. She was a naive blond, who had come to find her god with stars in her eyes. She just about melted when she saw Raito, failing to notice L completely. Raito somehow managed to mask his usual smirk with a smile, resting a hand on the wall, leaning only inches from her. He shook his bangs, and pinned her down with a piercing gaze. A few years younger, Misa's knees went weak from his closeness, the whisper of his voice.  
_

_"Anything for Kira?" He asked, oh-so-casually. His voice, other than the low tone, was completely innocent. L knew how it must have felt to have Raito so close; how the warmth of his breath would dance on your cheeks; how his lips would brush past your own. It made L's stomach turn sour - Raito knew what he was doing._

_"Yes!" Misa all but squeaked. "Kira-kun has changed Misa-Misa's life! Misa would dedicate it to Kira!" Raito was just barely able to mask his disapproval of her. She spoke like an immature child, something that Raito would find disdain for. He continued to smile, twirling a lock of her hair with his finger, knowing that soon enough, she would be wrapped around it as well.  
_

_Unable to stand by and watch anymore, L cleared his throat, bringing attention to himself for the first time since Misa had gotten there. Misa turned around suddenly, face flushed, looking at him as if she couldn't quite figure out why he was there. Raito looked only mildly amused, but there was a hint of annoyance on his face. L should have known better than to interrupt him when he was working his magic._

_"Raito-kun, can we speak for a moment?" L slouched off down the hall, until the blond was out of earshot. He bit his thumb hard enough to draw blood as he shuffled. There was something about the scene that made him feel sick inside. L was sure that it had to be Raito's apparent lack of ethics, nothing more. However he made Misa feel was none of L's business; it was merely the fact that Raito was willing to go so far. Yeah, that was it. He forced himself to meet his partner's eyes, which had lost all the friendliness they had displayed for Amane._

_Raito could lie with his eyes._

_"I was unaware of the means by which you planned on gaining followers," L managed calmly, even though he felt as though his throat was constricting. "It seems beneath a god, don't you think?"_

_Much to his surprise, Raito threw his head back and laughed. "Sometimes we have to get our hands dirty - you of all people should understand that." There was no fake smile, only a smirk. "Who knows where she's been, I won't go any further, I promise."_

_L wasn't reassured. He stiffened defensively, as though he could block what Raito was saying out physically. Raito laughed again._

_"As long as it's for justice, who cares how I do things?" The smirk stayed on his face, and he cornered L the same way he had Misa. In that moment, L wondered what he had gotten himself into - manipulation wasn't something the detective was too familiar with, in fact, he was strongly opposed to it. He may have strayed from the law a few times, hiring burglars and hackers, but he would have never done something like that to a person. The idea that a human being could be used like an object was frankly disturbing to him. Especially if you could do it so naturally._

_L turned to look away, willing himself to keep a clear mind. Raito shook his head, taking L's chin and turning it so that he was forced to look in his eyes. Humiliation and other emotions bubbled up inside of him immediately. "I don't think you care about trash like her," Raito said silkily. "I think it's something else."_

_L tried his hardest to glare. "What is Raito-kun suggesting?"_

_"Why L," the brunette patted the detective's head like he was a foolish child, something which he knew would piss L off. "I think it's jealousy."_

_L pushed him away, hating how he had just lost his thought process. There was no way he would let Raito treat him the same way he was treating this Misa woman. "Fuck off." He wasn't one to curse, but Raito was exasperating. He started to walk off down the hallway, past his amused partner. He could feel Raito's gaze on his back, and hear his odd laugh echoing off the walls.  
_

**::**

She'd never seen him run so fast. Raito scrambled inside the hotel room, slamming the door behind him. There was a horrible grin on his face, which probably wouldn't have been so horrible if it weren't for the glow in his eyes. Under the cheap lighting, his brown eyes shone red, giving him a possessed look. Misa hadn't seen such a terrible glee in forever, and even though it sent chills down her spine, she smiled widely. Raito was smiling again. She didn't try to touch him this time, knowing that went he let his emotions out, took off the mask he wore in public, he could be a bit...unstable. Yet he didn't even seem to acknowledge her presence, rushing past her and headed off into his bedroom.

Even though they were supposed to be in a relationship allegedly, he had his own separate bed. The relationship thing was a cover-up, Raito explained the moment he saw her start to smile. It would explain any late nights out, which may have seemed odd to any neighbors. He would tell people that they had been off together, having dinner, as opposed to murdering criminals. Honestly, the last time he'd touched her was...when he'd shoved her into a wall. (Misa still felt dizzy from when her head made contact with it.)

Eventually, after ten minutes of rummaging through his stuff, he returned to the living room, putting his feet up on the coffee table. The wildness in his eyes was gone, replaced with a cool conceit. Misa sighed audibly, it was safe to approach him again. Raito turned to face the woman with an innocent smile on his face, which was much less unsettling now that he was back to his cool, calm demeanor. Misa smiled to herself, _there_ was the man she was so desperately in love with, not the cold bastard he sometimes was.

"Misa, do you remember this?" He held up a small black book with sloppy English letters scribbled on to it.

Death Note.

Once upon a time, the Death Note had been a necessity, Kira's only method of killing. At the beginning, before L, Raito chose not to leave a pattern, to let Kira go undetected. He would create extravagant and 'convenient' situations for the deaths of criminals. Maybe a plane being hijacked would fly into a prison, killing all of the inmates, but leaving the passengers with only a few minor injuries. Maybe the explosives a group of terrorists was keeping in their hideout would catch a cell phone signal, or have their timers malfunction, and explode. While flying solo, Raito had earned Kira a temporary fictional last name: "Lamperouge". There was no doubt that all of those incidents were a bit too convenient (civilians got away without a scratch), but they were so huge and fantastic, it was hard to believe that one man was behind them.

But, once L had become a part of Kira, that was no longer necessary. L had connections, and as the world's crime rates dropped, and wars ceased to exist, so did Kira. Kira found followers, ones who were willing to get their own hands dirty. Together, their plans were quick and precise, and left almost nothing behind. Instead of being blown to pieces, foods being shipped to jails would be laced with things like Potassium Chloride, which would force the body into cardiac arrest. Kira had friends in places both high and low, and was not hesitant to use both. The Death Note was outdated, gathering dust in his desk drawer.

And yet, there it was.

"Death Note?" Misa asked, sitting down next to him on the couch. (As close as she could get without him pulling away.) "What're you using that for?" She batted her eyelashes at him, knowing that he almost never gave her answers. Raito never so much as looked at her, too busy flipping through the pages. He finally flipped to a blank page, sighing wistfully.

Oh, how much _power _came with it.

"You could just have Misa-Misa find someone to do it," Misa offered. He shook his head.

"It's not about the criminals today," he smirked. "It's about sending a message."

**::**

_L adjusted the dark fedora, wishing for once that his hair was a bit more managed. It was hard to stay inconspicuous__ with a crown of black spikes on your head. He could barely even fit the hat on; the only reason he was wearing it was so that the brim would cover his face. That probably wasn't working out too well either, he mused. There was no time for that, the suspect was turning into an alleyway. From where L stood, it looked like a dead end. Why would anyone choose to go in there? Was he maybe meeting somebody? Keeping at least five feet between him and the suspect, he followed him into the alley way, keeping his back against the brick walls of a building. Maybe he should have asked Watari for a black coat instead of this gray one - he probably stood out in the shadows._

_The suspect stopped walking and stood in the middle of the alleyway, not turning around. "You can come out now," he said calmly, fiddling with something on his watch."I want to see some ID."_

_L blinked in surprise. Had he really asked for ID? Most people dismissed him as some kind of creeper. Jumping to the conclusion that he was law enforcement...did that mean this man was Kira?_

_"You're operating on your own, am I correct? I don't see any reinforcement." The suspect turned around, smiling politely. "Why don't you come out of the shadows?"_

_L would never understand why he had, but he still did. He walked out slowly, illuminated by the waning moon ahead. He studied the suspect with a guarded expression, waiting for some kind of reaction. The man just fixed his brown hair casually, as if he'd run into an old friend on the street. He was suspected of having something to do with one of "Kira's" latest attacks, smuggling marijuana containing traces of Potassium Cyanide in them - which would kill anyone who inhaled it. Watari had informed him that he was clearly dealing with a psychopath, who had no regard for the lives of others._

_"Yagami Light?" L asked._

_"Please, my friends call me Raito," 'Raito' insisted calmly._

_L shoved his hands in his pockets. "We are not friends. I don't make friends with criminals."_

_Raito nodded, as though he could understand. "So you would consider me a criminal?"_

_"You could've hurt innocent people."_

_"How many innocent people traffic marijuana? It wasn't going to anyone innocent - it was being shipped to South America, to some gang that's been giving the government problems. I don't know if you watch the world news, but about sixteen of the leading members died when they tried to smoke it. I would hardly call them innocent, do you know what people like that do?" He didn't wait for L to respond. "They kidnap innocent people, and hold them hostage until the police back off - and then they kill them anyway. They terrorize civilians so that they can get their money, and they kill just so they can get some cheap high."_

_L said nothing; he had investigated cases like that all the time. And more than half the time, the hostage was slaughtered like an animal, even after their kidnappers had gotten what they wanted. Every time L had been forced to look at the blood covering the cages that the captives had been forced into, he had found himself thinking the same way._

_"I don't want to kill, really," Raito's voice lowered drastically, almost as though he was ashamed of the deaths. The man was bluffing, but L still let him speak, still on his guard. "But if I have to kill a couple of people for the sake of one, I will. No, if it means wiping this world clean to protect the innocent, I'll do it."_

_What a touching speech. L didn't believe a damned word of it. "I believe that Raito-kun is doing things from his own self-interest rather than the good of the world. Perhaps he feels that he is a better person by targeting certain people."_

_Raito chose to ignore L's denial of his ethics. "You called me Raito." He smirked. "I just confessed and you're not going to arrest me." It was a statement, definitely not a question._

_L said nothing. On a normal day, he probably would have tackled the man, pinning him to the ground and slamming the handcuffs on his wrist. But, for some reason, there was something about Raito that kept him frozen where he stood. Raito obviously had connections - where else would he have gotten his hands on cyanide? Who knew how many people were in his network, maybe even Kira himself. No, arresting Raito didn't seem like a good idea anymore after he thought about it. L decided it would work out better for him in the end if he investigated the man more, maybe found a few of his connections. He would pretend to work with him until he had recovered enough information._

_"No, I won't."_

_Raito stared at him for a moment, before a wide smirk broke out across his face. This would be easy..._

_

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**Questions of the Day: :)  
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**1) **What do you think of L & Light in canon? Do you think there's anything there, or is it completely one-sided? If you see the yaoi, who semes?**  
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	3. Buried in Lies

**AN: **The random question _was _for a reason - or at least part of it was XD. So far, Raito's been dominant, and since the majority seem to think it should stay that way, he will be the one in charge. ^-^ This story's coming really fast, something about summer just makes me want to write.

Once again, stop by the forum challenge in the first chapter; it's hard at first, but it's really fun, and so far everyone's stories have been great :D

**Warnings: **Violence, Language, Guns,

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**Deaux**

**::**

_I'm getting buried in a lie that's mocking reality  
_

**-幻影の鎖(Genei no Kusari); **ScReW

**::**

_"He can't remember anything Kitamura..."_

_"No, he made the conscious choice to follow that road. He was in his right mind, was he not?"_

_"The doctors say he's got amnesia - can we really punish someone for something they don't know they did? Do you realize what a frenzy the media's going to cause?"_

_Slowly, groggily, he sat up, blinking and looking around the room. Where was he? Why was his head bandaged? Four men stood at the foot of his bed, arguing in hushed tones. A tall man with an afro was the first to notice that he was awake._

_"Ryuzaki...you're up..."_

_Ryuzaki. So that was his name.  
_

**::**_  
_

Eru.

Ryuzaki leaned on the side of the police headquarters, biting his thumb and wracking his brain. He'd dismissed the man on the street, telling himself that maybe he was mistaken. Maybe the man hadn't been looking at him; maybe there had been someone standing behind him. Maybe he hadn't said anything to Ryuzaki, hell the man could have been having a conversation on a blue-tooth. Or maybe - this was the only one that would allow Ryuzaki to clear his mind temporarily - it had all been his imagination, a weird dream of some kind. He rarely slept - but there were occasions when his body would wear itself out, and his mind would go fuzzy. He dreamed occasionally, but it was usually of strange occurrences that made little to no sense. (There was the one where a ginger cat called 'Misamisa' had jumped on his head and scratched his face up before flouncing off, only to be kicked in the face by its owner. That was one he would rather not talk about, only because when he woke up, he found that he'd been crying hysterically and hugging his pillow.)

Yet, the hallucinogenic dream idea made little sense either.

He tried to force himself to think of what 'Eru' could mean, even sinking so far as to look it up on Google. He found the European Rugby Union, a Korean singer, and a fictional character by J. R. R. Tolkien. What did that mean? As much as he liked Tolkien's work, he doubted it would have any effect on him subconsciously.

Ryuzaki got up and stretched, well there was no point in worrying about it there - he'd have to get home soon enough. He shuffled down the sidewalk, only pausing to nod a farewell to Aizawa. The man, as always, looked deeply troubled.

It seemed like just another sleepy day. People were standing around on the sidewalk, talking and laughing. Cars drove by slowly, blasting loud music through open windows. The world had a sluggish feel to it, even the animals were silent. That stood out to Ryuzaki - usually the chattering of birds drove him insane... And animals were usually only quiet before a storm or disaster of some sort. He walked a bit more cautiously, large black eyes scanning his surroundings. Nothing looked out of the ordinary. All in all, it looked just like any other boring day.

It wasn't.

Two red cars came speeding around the corner, brakes screeching on the pavement. The driver of the first one paused, surveying the scene. He met Ryuzaki's eyes behind orange goggles, and smiled, dropping a cigarette butt onto the street. It only lasted for a second - the moment the butt hit the ground, the passengers in the car behind him pulled out a bunch of guns and started firing off randomly, hitting everything in sight. The glass of a streetlamp shattered, raining down onto the sidewalk. People started running and screaming, trying to avoid death. The goggles man pulled something out of his pocket, taking the lid off with his teeth and throwing it onto the street. A smoke bomb.

_"Ryuzaki!"_

Ryuzaki looked around frantically, trying to find the source of the voice. Next to him, someone screamed as a bullet went through their leg. He turned around to see the person, but was pulled away before he could offer any assitance.

"Over here!" It was Aizawa. He used a button on his keys to flash his headlights, dragging Ryuzaki towards his car. He threw the door open, ordering the young man to get into the backseat. Ryuzaki did as he was told without questioning for once, slamming the door shut. "C'mon, c'mon," Aizawa twisted the key, gripping the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles went white. The engine sputtered to life after a few seconds, and Aizawa blindly pulled out of his parking spot. The back of the car smashed into another one, but he didn't stop to check for any damage, just speeding off down the street.

_"Have you located the target?" _A voice came from the stolen police radio inserted into one of the shooters' cars. The goggled man sighed, shaking his head until he remembered that his boss couldn't see him.

"Nah, he got into some old dude's car and drove off."

_"...I see. You know what to do, Matt."_

Matt laughed, flipping a switch on the radio. "Mells, you're up!"

There was no reply, only static. "Hey, stop eating and get out there!"

_"Fuck you man," _came the garbled reply.

"Don't talk with your mouth full Mello!" The only sound Matt heard was the revving of an engine before the transmission cut out.

Ryuzaki somehow managed to sit in his usual position, staring at the back of Aizawa's head as the older man continued to speed down the street. What was going on? Since when were there drive by shootings right outside of a police station? And who was the goggled man with the smoke bomb? Ryuzaki couldn't remember ever hearing about criminals that were simultaneously dumb enough to commit a crime literally on the police's doorstep, but smart enough to bring those kinds of things along with them. His stomach sank - somehow, this made him think of 'Eru', of the man. But how?

"Dammit!" Aizawa's voice brought Ryuzaki out of his daze. Something behind them gave off a loud bang, and something hit the rear window, cracking the glass. There were three more shots, each one hitting some part of the car.

They were being followed, apparently on motorcycle. The driver sped up, so that he was momentarily by the passenger window. Ryuzaki turned around just to get a good glimpse of him before Aizawa sped up even more. He was skinny, dressed almost completely in leather, and strands of blond hair peeked out from underneath his helmet. He held both a pistol and a chocolate wrapper in his hand. Ryuzaki frowned for a moment, staring at him the same way he'd stared at the other man. There was something about them...something he couldn't quite place his finger on.

Aizawa slammed his foot on the gas, swerving to just barely avoid running into a truck. The motorcycle driver swerved too, letting himself lag behind.

"Think he gave up?" Aizawa asked. Three more shots answered his question.

There was an even louder boom as the motorcycle man aimed the gun lower, firing at the back tires four times. The right tire burst, and the car went spinning out of control, swerving off the road and into a grassy ditch. Aizawa swore loudly as they slid down into it, the car shaking as it rode over the bumpy ground. Finally, the car came to a stop, smoking.

Ryuzaki coughed, pain spreading through his body slowly. Had this really just happened? He looked down at himself, only to make sure that he was still in one piece. There was a warm sensation in the back of his head, something he foggily recognized as blood. Shards of glass from the now broken windows littered the car's once spotless interior.

"My...leg..." Aizawa's voice was pained, speaking was taking great effort. Blood dripped down his face; the airbags hadn't helped too much, only stopping him from shattering his skull. He didn't turn around, he just sat still, staring ahead. "Reach into my pocket...my cell phone's in there. I want you to..." he stopped to swallow. His injuries weren't fatal, but they seemed pretty severe. "I want you to take it, and call the police...get away from here. They should come and help you."

"Aiza-"

"Just do it now..." He clenched his teeth in the pain, taking deep breaths. "I'll be okay."

Ryuzaki nodded, reaching forwards and sliding the cell phone from the officer's pocket. Aizawa winced when the younger man touched his leg, squeezing his eyes shut. He opened the door slowly, glad that only his head was injured. He looked back at Aizawa, who still had his eyes closed, and frowned.

"Goodbye Aizawa-san."

Aizawa smiled weakly. "Good luck L."

His accent almost made "L" sound like "Eru"

**::**

Mello took the helmet off of his head, running a hand through his hair. He stood by his motorcycle, staring down at the now wrecked car. He wondered, would shit be so easy for Kira if he had to actually go out and do things on his own? The blond unwrapped another piece of chocolate, biting it as if he were biting Kira's head off. Selfish bastard. Ah well. It wasn't about Kira - what he really cared about was L.

He walked over to the ditch, letting himself slide down the grassy sides, his boots leaving marks in the dirt. He reached the bottom hard, a cloud of dust rose around his feet. Mello shoved the chocolate back into his pocket, approaching the totaled car slowly, almost like it would drive away. Wouldn't that be something? He wasn't even sure if L was even in there anymore, he could only make out one person through the ruined rear window. Okay, maybe firing so many shots was a little unnecessary, but it was too late for that now. Slowly, Mello reached through the shattered passenger's window, unlocking the door. There was no L in sight.

With an annoyed sigh, he took out his phone, unsurprised to see that he was being called.

_"Were you able to recover him?" _Recover? Since when was L a missing piece of property?

"No, he escaped somehow."

_"Escaped? How would he escape? You allowed him to get away?"_

"Hell if I know!" Mello snorted. "You want his ass so badly why don't you come get it yourself?"

If it weren't for the fact that both Matt and Mello were two of his best, there was no doubt that Kira would've killed them. But, when it came to things like intellect and skill, they were irreplaceable.

_"Hn. You may report back now...is there anyone else in the car?"_

Mello walked around the car, so that he was standing by the driver's seat. There was a man sitting there, trying to untangle his seat belt. He froze when he saw Mello there.

"Yeah."

_"Oh. Kill him." Click!_

The man looked at Mello, sweat and blood running down his face. There was a certain resolve in his eyes, as if he was prepared to be killed. Mello reached for the gun in his pocket, but froze midway, looking the man in the eyes. The accident had left him with a large scar, running down from the side of his face to his chin, angry and red. Mello touched his own scar, a cruel reminder of how the world could be. Somehow, he felt as though he understood the man.

"I think I've fired enough shots today," the blond said. The driver looked at him in confusion.

With that, Mello started his slow walk back up the side of the ditch, to mount his motorcycle once again. Aizawa could only stare after him as he retreated into the setting sun.

* * *

**Questions of the Chapter :):**

**1: **If Matt and Mello had been on Kira's side, would he have beaten Near?**  
**

**2: **Do you think Raito should do more things himself instead of using pawns?**  
**

**3: **Who's your favorite Kira Task Force member? (I like Matsuda and Aizawa lol)**  
**


	4. Lost Memories

**AN: **Voters said that Light needs to do crap on his own; so he will once L is located for him :b

& I like Mikami :) He's cool, but he is a creeper**  
**

**Warnings: **Language,**  


* * *

**

**Trois**

**::**

_How are we gonna find the destination?_

_Take me to the place where I left lost memories_

**-Souen, **Abingdon Boys School

**::**

_L sat uncomfortably, mentally making a list of things that he hated about the stuffy office party. Matsuda was chatting up Sayu Yagami with no regard for their age difference, while Sochiro made a comment on them under his breath every ten seconds. Really, L didn't really give a damn what Matsuda did with his time, or if Sochiro approved - just as long as they would all come in and continue the investigation on Monday. The same Christmas music was playing on repeat, songs he'd grown tired of years ago. Not to mention the stupid Santa hat Watari had forced him to wear. (To "Get into the holiday spirit".) Honestly, he had serious work to do, figuring out relations to Kira and trying to figure out how a boat full of prisoners would randomly sink out in the Atlantic.  
_

_"Ah, come here," Sochiro motioned for L to stand up from the chair he'd been crouching on, and walk with him across the room. "I would like you to meet someone. This is my son, Light."_

_L looked up, and his heart just about stopped. He looked up into glinting brown eyes that were all-too-familiar. A lump rose in his throat as if he had just swallowed a dry pill. Something akin to anger pumped through his veins - did Raito really have that kind of nerve? The son of the chief, the suspect of a crime - no, the perpetrator. Suddenly, L found himself regretting his decision to keep certain details of the investigation private. The way Sochiro just stood next to his son, glowing with pride - and the way Raito could just stand there so innocently made L feel slightly dizzy, almost as though he was high and imagining the whole thing. He considered saying something, but it was only for the sake of his undercover investigation that he didn't.  
_

_That and the fact that he wanted to get to know this Raito more - not that L would ever admit it.  
_

_"Hello," Raito's eyes burned with smug amusement. This, much like everything else, was a game.  
_

_"My son's always looked up to you, L," Sochiro beamed, as though his oldest child was a trophy to be shown off._

_L blinked, studying Raito carefully. The man wore a carefully composed mask of calm. "Oh really? Pleased to meet you Raito."_

_Raito took notice of the use of his 'nickname', managing to wipe the smirk off his face before anyone but L saw it. Sochiro failed to notice; L was European, there was no need for him to use the Japanese pronunciation of 'Light'. "No, the pleasure's all mine. So, you're L? That's...interesting."_

_L was unfazed. "I agree."_

**::**

All that remained on the street was a feeling of despair. The once peaceful area was now a collage of blood, tarps, bullet shells, and tears. Survivors huddled together, shaken and scared. Investigators covered dead bodies in tarps, not stopping to feel remorse for a single one. The sight of death was so common for them that it hardly even mattered anymore; a depressing thought. Touta Matsuda sighed, sitting down on the sidewalk and covering his face with his hands.

The shooters (escaped convicts from some gang) had made it about two blocks before they all suddenly died of heart attacks simultaneously - the work of Kira. Sochiro, the chief, had deduced that Kira wanted them to know who was behind it, that he or she wanted the world to recognize his handiwork. Matsuda wondered if Kira would have been so proud of the blood on his hands if he could actually see the survivors now - their lives broken like glass. He mentally kicked himself - every time Kira got away with something, he blamed himself; one of the only remaining Task Force members in a world that had accepted Kira's ways. He felt personally responsible for each scarred person, as though it had only happened because he hadn't caught Kira fast enough.

"It's not your fault Matsuda," Sochiro said solemnly, watching the sun sink over the horizon. "You weren't even there." He knew the feeling more than anyone.

"But it's our jobs to prevent this," Matsuda replied grimly, knowing that there was no point in his words. The investigation hadn't gone anywhere in well over a year. After L had come up with one suspect (who he absolutely refused to reveal), suddenly, they had nothing. "We're the ones who need to catch Kira and uphold justice." Once upon a time, he had said that with pride, but now the words were heavier than lead.

"I suppose you gentlemen would have an easier time if L was still working with you," Kitamura emerged from the crowd of officials, standing next to Sochiro. "Shame, he would know where to find Kira, wouldn't he?"

Sochiro's jaw tightened. "L is no more, and Ryuzaki can't remember anything. The execution is pointless."

"Execution is never pointless," Kitamura sniffed indignantly. He gave the two men a side glance. "Not when it comes to the media anyway. And L is easily replaced, there are several others we could use as a backup."

Sochiro ignored that remark. "Ryuzaki is now an innocent man..."

"As long as you keep it that way."

**::**

Ryuzaki ran until his lungs felt ready to burst through his ribcage and his feet could barely move anymore. He had been paying little attention to direction, and had absolutely no idea where he was anymore - only that he'd ran into what looked like a public park. The raven haired man dragged himself to the nearest bench, collapsing onto it miserably. The gears in his mind turned quickly, sifting through all of the questions that ran through his mind. It was taking effort to believe what had just happened; it seemed more like something from a cheap action flick than reality. It was only when he felt the dried blood in his hair and saw his own shaking hands that he realized that this wasn't a dream. The shootings, the smoke bomb, the car, Aizawa.

He sat up suddenly, hugging his knees to his chest. The image of Aizawa, blood-stained and broken filled his mind. He would make it out okay, right? What was the last thing he had told him again? Right...call the police.

In the middle of dialing Sochiro's number, Ryuzaki remembered something else: Aizawa had called him Eru, or rather, Aizawa had called him L.

The meaning of Eru now made sense - there was no L in Japanese, it was replaced by an R sound. The same went for a single consonant - the E and U added a vowel sound, making it pronounceable. In simpler terms, Eru was L.

L like L Lawliet; the gravestone that the Task Force members went out of their way to take Ryuzaki to.

He had only heard stories about the great L Lawliet, one of the world's brightest minds. According to Matsuda, he was right up there with Albert Einstein, the best of the best. Ryuzaki had been told stories of the great L, and all of his accomplishments. The Los Angelos B.B. Murder Cases, the way he'd defeated Eraldo Coil and Danevue single-handedly, all nearly superhuman feats. Ryuzaki had always listened with a humbled sort of respect - it seemed like this Lawliet man was living everything that he had ever dreamed of, too good to be true.

"L..." Ryuzaki said out loud, his already wide eyes growing tenfold.

"H-hello? Ryuzaki?" Sochiro's voice came on speaker from the other end, confused.

Ryuzaki dropped the phone, not seeming to notice as it crashed to the ground. He could hear Sochiro's voice on the other line, asking what was going on, but it sounded more like background noise. He suddenly jumped up from the bench, stomping on Aizawa's phone until it broke into pieces.

L who had a whole lineup of successors. L who rose to the top, and conquered all. L who had fallen from justice.

**::**

The hotel was filled with a silence that had never felt so smothering.

Misa curled up on the love seat, (there wasn't much love of any kind, she preferred to think of it as just a 'seat'), staring blankly at the news and hugging a cushion to her chest. The whole broadcast had been filled with news about Kira - an insane murderer had been poisoned, a couple of drive by shooters had heart attacks at the exact same time, and a pedophile had fallen to his death. Seeing the stories usually filled the blond up with pride, but now there was nothing, only anticipation. She bit her lip as hard as she could without actually cutting it, praying for the first time in ages that Raito would fail. It was just them now - even though he looked down on her at times, and treated her like a nuisance, they were still there together. She couldn't - _wouldn't_ - let L come back into the picture and ruin everything.

She glanced at the clock, frowning. Raito had left all of four hours ago - where could he be? About two people had stopped by to see him, Mail Jeevas with a status report, and Kiyomi Takeda who had some 'classified' business that she couldn't tell Misa about.

Speaking of the devil, Takeda was seated right across from Misa, sipping tea calmly as if she lived there.

"Does he do this often?" Takeda gave Misa one of her fake smiles, putting down her cup after the long silence. "Avoid you for hours at a time like this, I mean."

Misa could have killed the bitch.

"He's not _avoiding _me! He told me he had something important to do, he was very excited about it," Misa found herself matching Takeda's faux polite tone. She forced a smile onto her face.

"Hm, more important than you? I thought that you two were together."

Misa fought the desire to leap across the living room and strangle the smug woman with her bare hands. It wasn't like Raito would mind anyway, Takeda was one of many pawns. She wasn't half as important as Misa - she didn't have the eyes. (Misa pushed the idea that her eyes were the only reason she was important to him out of her mind.) "Mind your own business!" She snapped.

Takeda smiled. "Or what, may I ask?" She met Misa's eyes calmly. Misa clenched her fists, digging her nails into her palms. "Will you make me disappear too?"

**::**

Teru Mikami was like a bloodhound, Raito had first thought to himself with something akin to amusement when he had first found the man. A dog who loved his master's attention. He was willing to do anything to earn the praise of his 'god', and he wouldn't rest until he had pleased Kira. Even then, as Mikami pushed his way through the crowded street, bloodshot eyes wide open, he wore a grin that stretched from ear to ear. Kira had called upon him (_him!) _to find someone, to locate this L Lawliet no matter how long it took. He had been searching for hours on foot, staring at everyone he passed. They all stopped to glare at him predictably, giving him enough time to read their names.

_Raye Penbar...Henry Clay...Wei Zhijun...Hideki Ryuuga...Hinata Fugishi..._

Mikami refused to let himself even blink, forcing his dry eyes to read properly. He wouldn't rest until he had found the one, just to hear Kira tell him how great a job he'd done. The thought fueled him on, and he continued to push through the crowd, moving faster than before.

"This is boring..." the blue shinigami hovering by his side grumbled. "I haven't had an apple in forever." Forever meaning an hour or so.

Mikami ignored him, continuing to search.

_Suzaku Kururugi...Naomi Misora...Rina Jyukei_

"Hey you...apple...now."

He stopped, staring straight ahead with wide eyes. The grin cemented on his face grew wider.

"You look demented, do you know that?" The shinigami commented as it turned over to stand on its head.

Mikami didn't even hear him over the sound of his own excitement and anticipation.

_L Lawliet._

**::**

_"L, hm?" Raito made his presence known, closing the rooftop door behind him and walking calmly up to the world's greatest detective. He smirked, leaning on the railing. "Well isn't that something?_

_L didn't blink, turning to face his literal partner in crime in the eye. "Yes, it is something indeed Raito-kun." His voice was as dry and emotionless as ever, but his insides were turning as though they were in a washing machine. How could Sochiro have just thrown his name out like that? Did he really trust his son that much? L wasn't sure what it was like to trust somebody like that, he felt it was a stupid decision._

_Raito laughed. "That makes things much more fun, doesn't it?"_

_"I was unaware that this was a game."_

_"A game that I don't plan on losing," Raito said casually, as if they were talking about a simple game of tennis._

_L tilted his head to the side. "I do not intend on losing either." He patted the brunette's head the same way Raito patted his when he wanted to make him feel inferior. It took effort to fight the smirk that almost formed on his face - he would not be a pawn in Raito's game. He would not react. Yet there was something satisfying about being the superior one for once, a feeling that L was much more accustomed to.  
_

_Raito rolled his eyes, smoothing his hair down, but smirking nonetheless. "That's silly L," there was emphasis on the title. "Because I believe that I told you this world would be ours. We will win."_

_"So it's just law enforcement and justice that loses?" L asked flatly, defiance in his pitch black eyes._

_"Our justice will win."  
_

_

* * *

_

**Questions of the Chapter:**

**1- **Takeda - do you think she's a slutfaced ho-bag or a decent 'queen of the new world'?**  
**

**2- **Any opinions on Sochiro?**  
**


	5. We Can Escape Together

**AN: **Thanks to cwilder for pointing out my mistake "Takeda" not "Takada". And though Sochiro is just an old guy (lol), he will play a role; at least in L's memories.'

**Warnings:** Kidnapping, Mild Language, Age Difference Reduction (Let's put L and Light only a few years apart, 4-5 instead of 7), Capoeira (not really a warning, but just to explain the style), Compromising Positions, Lots of Italics ;), Filler-ness

**

* * *

**

**Quatre**

**::**

_We can blame the world forever_

_We can just escape together_

_So are we breaking out?_

_Or are we breaking down?_

_We can't blame this world forever_

**-Breaking Out, Breaking Down, **Bullet for My Valentine

**::**

Ryuzaki didn't know what hit him. Literally.

As cliche a phrase like that may have been, it was (unfortunately) one hundred percent true. And, lying on his back in the trunk of a mysterious car, Ryuzaki couldn't find it in himself to try and deduce what the assault weapon had been. It seemed as though he'd been hitting his head quite often, in the car with Aizawa, knocked unconscious by the driver of the car, and now, as said driver seemed to be driving over every badly paved country rode he could find. He supposed that L would've - _he would've _tried to figure out some kind of escape plan, but his head hurt way too damn much for that, and there was barely any space to move around. There was virtually nothing in the trunk anyway, with the exception of a magazine. (The cover, featuring notoriously obnoxious model Misa Amane had been torn halfway off.)

Well, wasn't this pleasant?

The raven man had been wandering around aimlessly after breaking Aizawa's phone, trying to grasp reality. In a matter of days, he'd moved from coffee runs and unjamming Xerox machines to being shot at and even kidnapped. He walked down block after block, until he finally realized that he had been going in circles. Ryuzaki dragged himself on, pausing only once to stare at the display in a bakery, wondering when the last time he'd had cake was. It was then, in the midst of the crowd, that he realized someone had been following him. At first, Ryuzaki paid the stalker no mind, figuring that it was coincidental. There was only a thirty percent chance that the man was actually following him. (When Ryuzaki noted the deranged smile on the man's face, the percentage shot up to sixty-four.) Eventually, the man trailing him crossed paths with another, and all Ryuzaki could remember after that was turning down an alleyway by mistake, searching for a way out. His surroundings seemed more like a concrete maze than a city.

And then, here. After what felt like years, the car finally came to a stop. Ryuzaki strained his ears to listen for some sounds of civilization - if he screamed, would someone hear him? All he heard was the sound of the car door closing, and footsteps in gravel. Only one person had been in the car.

The trunk popped open at a normal speed, but to Ryuzaki's tired mind, everything was moving in slow motion. It had to have been daylight by then. The thought of spending so many hours stuffed in a trunk, without any cakes or candy only added to his exhaustion. Slowly, the driver lifted the lid up, smiling down at his captive. Smiles were supposed to be endearing, kind. This man's was more like that of a crocodile's.

"Welcome back _Eru_."

**::**

_Raito was toxic. A drug, you knew all about the negative effects it was having, but yet you couldn't bring yourself to put down the blunt, or needle, or whichever. He was the stunt you shouldn't have tried, the pills you shouldn't have experimented with, the sugary dessert you shouldn't have eaten. You might have enjoyed the adrenaline, the high, the sweetness; but you would undoubtedly feel the pain of the crash, the aftereffects, and maybe even the diabetes. L realized this immediately, and usually did his best to try and avoid all of that; he could not further his investigation if he were to fall on Raito's bad side. He had figured out Kira's identity, but he would still need the cause of death to book him. Usually, L bit his tongue, always keeping his investigation in mind. But once, just once, he'd spoken out. The detective had made the mistake(?) of reminding the great Kira of something quite simple._

_"A god is immortal, Raito-kun. You are just as mortal as any other human."_

_Raito blinked, silent for a moment. His usually calm face distorted, until it looked something like a wax mask. It was almost as though he had gone through a transformation - the angry being before L was nothing like Chief Yagami's charismatic son. L wondered briefly which side was the real Raito. "Shut up!" He barked, only because he could not think of a good enough response. It was clear that he acknowledged the truth in L's statement, but the idea of being a 'god', the glorified title was too much for Raito to let go of. The brunette turned and grabbed L by the collar, yanking him forwards and shaking him like a rag doll._

_"Raito-kun, I will give you two seconds to release me," The raven said calmly, not blinking._

_"Or what?" Raito nearly shrieked, eyes wild. Refusing to let go, he balled his hand into a fist, striking L across the face. For a second, he stood there, victorious, until L pushed himself up off of the ground with one hand, swinging his leg to deliver a swift kick to Raito's chin. The brunette staggered backwards, caught off guard for a moment._

_"An eye for an eye."_

_Angered, Raito swung out again, but L swerved to the left, just barely avoiding the attack. It sent both of them off balance, and L toppled over, Raito falling after him. Before L could even move, Raito rolled over, grabbing L by the collar, pining his arms above his head with one arm, and raising his other fist to hit him again with the other. L, pinned down, stared at the brunette's fist, forcing himself not to flinch. He lay there, waiting for the attack._

_Raito started laughing._

_L stared, at a loss for words. He'd only known one man who would laugh after fighting like that, and that man had gone on to become a deranged serial killer. Oh...wait._

_The brunette flashed L one of his false smiles, his eyes no longer full of the insane look they'd held before. He finally stopped laughing, lowering his fist. "This is quite the compromising position, don't you think L?"_

_Adrenaline wearing off, L realized how this must have looked from any other angle. He was on his back, with Raito a bit too close for his comfort. (Then again, when wasn't he?) The younger man was seated on top of him, and from any other perspective, it definitely wouldn't have looked like a fight. L felt his face heat up, usually he couldn't care less about how sexual something looked, he figured it was a matter of maturity. But there, he could understand why people saw it was such a big deal._

_"Indeed. I would recommend Raito-kun get off."_

_Raito laughed again, only it was more of a friendly chuckle. "I don't think so, not until you say it."_

_L's discomfort somehow grew sevenfold. "Say it?" He asked through gritted teeth, even though he knew damn well what it was._

_"What is Kira, L?" Raito leaned in, so that his ear was by L's mouth. L squirmed, but with no avail. Raito lowered his face, so that his ear was by L's mouth. "Say it loud enough for me to hear."_

_L never had to. The door flew open, and Raito moved away quickly, standing up and brushing himself off as though nothing had happened. He stepped over the dazed L, greeting Misa with one of his trademark smiles. L couldn't bring himself to move._

**::**

Even then, sitting idly at a dusty old table, Raito couldn't help but smile. On a regular day, he would have found fault with the settings, the abandoned warehouse was an eyesore, definitely not deserving to host reunions of any kind. The air was stale, the decrepit furniture was absolutely ancient, and the building was all too...gray. Yet, he rested his chin on his hand, smiling absentmindedly and watching. With a possessive sort of glee, he noted that Ryuzaki hadn't changed a bit. He paced around the first floor of the warehouse with a pronounced slouch, not seeming to notice the eyes watching him from above. In all the dreariness of the scenery, Raito had to admit that Ryuzaki was, in his own way, beautiful.

_"Why is that guy always there?" _Misa had once asked, that high-pitched voice of hers already starting to give him a migraine. _"He's so creepy! He's always behind you, like a shadow. Misa Misa thinks he should just leave Light-kun alone!"_

Yes, Ryuzaki was somewhat like a shadow. But what was Light without Dark? It was in that way that Ryuzaki interested him. On the outside, he looked like nothing much. Misa had even gone so far as to describe him as a crackhead. But inside, was one of the most intriguing people Raito had ever met. An equal even. He was hidden away by his looks, a diamond in the rough.

Yes, a diamond.

Raito sighed for a moment, tapping his foot against the dusty ground. Once again, there he was: the world's greatest mind under his possession - Kira's possession. Of course, he gave Ryuzaki credit where it was due, but undoubtedly, in his mind Ryuzaki was _his._

Ryuzaki, finally noticing the eyes on his back, stopped looking around the warehouse, and turned to face his captor. He made no move to walk towards the loft-like stairs, only boring through Raito with those soulless eyes. "You want something from me." It was a blunt statement, there was no questioning about it.

Raito gave him the kindest smile he could muster. "We can get to that later."

"Don't touch me."

"...That's not what I meant," the brunette scowled momentarily. "We're going somewhere first. If you're good, I'll let you sit up front."

Ryuzaki ignored the last part of Raito's statement. "You're assuming that I will comply."

Raito stood up, brushing his pants off carefully. "You'll want to - this will be good for both of us." A smirk. "We're going to take a trip down memory lane."

* * *

**Ah, no questions this time. :)**

**I'll ask your opinions on anything instead.  
**


	6. Lying is Your Favorite Passion

**AN: **Ahaha that last flashback with L & Light was fun :D. We're going to focus on the past for the next few chapters, just enough to move the characters forwards :)

**IMPORTANT: **All of the flashbacks beyond this point are from **after L & Light meet.** If one comes from before, I'll say so in the author's note.**  
****  
Warnings: **Brief Insanity (That's Yagami for ya ^-^), Some Cuteness XD, **  
**

**

* * *

**

**Cinq**

**::**

_Darling, what is going on?_

_Honestly that never happened,_

_Lying is your favorite passion_

_Leave me - go where you belong_

_Higher heels and lipstick napkins_

_Dying is your latest fashion_

**-Situations, **Escape the Fate

**::**

For the fifth time that week, Sochiro woke up in a pile of paperwork, his hand around a mug of cold coffee, and tears streaming down his face. He reached blindly for his glasses, eyes adjusting to the dark. Someone, probably Matsuda, had seen him sleeping and decided to turn the lights out, and let him have a peaceful nap. It was kind of the man, but it was definitely _not _what the chief needed. Sleep meant slacking, and slacking meant more would fall victim to Kira. _Kira._ It was his whole life, and the bane of his existence at the same time.

Kira had taken everything from him. His daughter no longer wanted to even look at him. He had no idea what had happened to the rest of his family.

The only thing worse than knowing that his family was virtually nonexistent, was knowing that there was a chance that they still did exist, but having no power to do anything about it.

Sochiro shook his head, rubbing his eyes groggily. Now was not the time. Nor would it ever be.

**::**

Apparently, Ryuzaki had been good. Raito opened the door for him, even going so far as to try and buckle him up.

"I can do it myself," Ryuzaki said flatly, shooing the other man's hands away. Raito stood there for a moment, a dark frown crossing over his features. He shook it off however, smiling politely at Ryuzaki, and nodding as though he understood. Ryuzaki took note of the amused look on his face - it wasn't too often that he was opposed, Ryuzaki figured. The other man managed to wipe the lookoff of his face soon enough, sliding calmly into the driver's seat. An actor maybe?

The first part of the drive was spent in silence. With the exception of the classical music that drifted softly through the car, the only sound came from the humming engine. Raito was unnervingly calm, treating this more like a drive through the park than dragging a hostage down 'memory lane'. He occasionally slowed down to take a look at a few things, most notably the words '_Kira Please Kill' _scrawled across a brick wall. Ryuzaki began to wonder if the man had been lying - he did seem like the type. The raven man knew those 'trophy boys' way too well, and it always seemed like they were hiding something: like a stash of cocaine or severe anger issues. Who was to say this man, this "Raito" wouldn't kill him and dump him in a ditch somewhere?

"Look out the window, L," Raito ordered calmly, pulling up to the curb for a moment. He made no effort to even turn his head, despite the fact that he wanted to show Ryuzaki something. He kept his brown eyes on the detective, watching him intently.

Ryuzaki - or should he begin to think of himself as L? - turned, not sure what to expect. He blinked, staring out the window and waiting for something to appear. "It's an alleyway."

"Yes."

"Is there someone I am supposed to look for in this?" Ryuzaki asked flatly. Now, instead of questioning Raito's intent, he was questioning the man's sanity. It was a dark, dingy alleyway in a so-so part of town, only inhabited by a few trash cans. By the looks of it, there may have been a homeless man or pimp or two by nightfall, but now there was nobody.

"No."

"Yet this is important."

"Very." He continued to study Ryuzaki. "You aren't a very sentimental person, are you?" Raito yawned, starting the car up again. If he was annoyed by Ryuzaki's reaction (or lack thereof), he wasn't showing it. Ryuzaki supposed that there was something important about the alley, just another detail that evaded his memory. It was becoming increasingly frustrating with every passing moment, like being left out of a joke in the office.

The car pulled up to the curb again. "Get out."

Raito, not waiting for Ryuzaki to respond, unbuckled himself and threw the door open. Ryuzaki sat still for a moment, trying to decide on his best option. If he could lag behind enough, there was a chance that he might be able to escape. The logical part of his mind seemed made up, but he couldn't will himself to do that. He got up and followed Raito out of the car, looking around him. It was a quiet, abandoned suburban house, now inhabited by nature. The place was dusty, and the lawn needed work, but the bags of trash dumped their by the neighbors meant that whoever had lived there wasn't coming back.

Ryuzkaki's eyes lit up. He remembered. This house belonged to Sochiro - or at least it had once upon a time.

He walked through the kitchen, staring at every minute detail. He could remember being there - was it Thanksgiving? - Sochiro had invited him over under the name 'Ryuzaki' to come and meet his family. Yes, it had been Thanksgiving, and...

_...dinner had still been in the oven, so that the whole house smelled like pumpkin pie. L remembered Sochiro's once constant bragging about his wife's skill with Western dishes, and he'd always thought that the chief had been exaggerating. But then, seated awkwardly at their dinner table, L was filled with a warm fuzzy feeling. So this was what it was like to be in a holiday special. The Yagami family was everything L had imagined that a family would be like, seemingly close-knit and dreadfully cliched. Sochiro was seated on the couch, laughing as his daughter Sayu argued with her mother Sachiko about the attire she'd chosen. It was so ridiculously heart-warming and cute that L couldn't help but hate it._

_Where did he fit in?_

_"Alright, alright," Sochiro smiled, putting down his newspaper and walking over to take his seat at the head of the table. "Someone call Light and tell him to get here quickly before we eat without him. Ryuzaki, would you mind?"_

_L got up, glad that he had an excuse to leave the scene. He slouched up the stairs, trying to ignore the empty feeling in his gut. All this dinner had done so far, besides make him hungry, was remind him how alone he was. Trying with no avail to shake the feeling, he opened Raito's door without knocking, flicking on a light switch in the otherwise dark room._

_"Raito. Dinner is..." L trailed off when he saw the brunette slumped over in his chair, collapsed over his desk. Newspapers littered the floor, along with several presumably empty pens. Raito wasn't moving, face-down in one of several books scattered about his otherwise tidy room. The TV and computer were both on, screens flashing white light into the room. The six o' clock news and a page off of the FBI's Most Wanted displayed boldly. L stepped over a newspaper, approaching the chief's son carefully. The brunette didn't seem to notice L's presence at all, and if it wasn't for his shoulders moving up and down, L would have sworn that he was dead. "Raito?" L asked, reaching out to put a hand on his shoulder._

_The moment L's fingers brushed Raito's shoulder, the younger man turned around, grabbing a hold of L's wrists. His eyes were wide, and filled with panic._

_"I'm going to hell!" He said, his voice barely above a whisper, but somehow resounding off the walls. He shook the detective, desperation written all over his face. "I did it! And their blood!" He could barely get his words out, choking on air. L could only stare at the usually composed brunette, not sure what to say. He wasn't good with people in general - sane or not. "Their blood's all over me, I can feel it!" He let go of L, collapsing to his knees, breathing as though he'd just run a marathon._

_"Nothing is on you," L said calmly, bending down so that he was at Raito's level. "You seem perfectly clean to me."_

_"They're screaming so loud...it hurts..." Raito gasped, grasping at his own hair. "Tell them to shut up! They...they deserved it... Don't they understand? They're pouring it on me! I'm going to drown in it, their filthy blood." He shook his head and brushed it off with his hands repeatedly, as though he were wiping something out of it. L's eyes rested on the book Raito had been writing in, left open on his desk. Slowly, he stood up and reached for it, closing it to get a good look at the cover._

_Death Note?_

_"Don't touch that!" Raito screamed. "They'll get you too!" L ignored that, and flipped through the pages, where various names and causes of death were scribbled on it._

_L bent down, grabbing Raito by the shoulders. "Look at me." He shook the brunette. "Look. At. Me. No one's going to get you. Raito you're home, you're safe." L had only attempted a hug once, and gotten kicked down a flight of stairs because of it. But it was only human instinct that told him to try again. He pulled Raito closer, holding on to him with an iron grip._

_"They'll get you too," Raito choked out, not moving._

_"What is it that you always say? There is no you and I? They will get us." L shifted his weight so that he could squat on the floor, not once letting go._

_By the time they came back downstairs, Sachiko was serving dessert. That suited L just fine._

_"Light, what..."_

..."Are you staring at?" Raito's voice cut through Ryuzaki's reminiscing. The brunette stood next to Ryuzaki, staring in the same direction he had been a moment ago, trying to see what he'd been staring at. Ryuzaki felt a familiar empty ache when he thought of the kitchen in his memories, so bright, so alive. Now the yellow paint was peeling off of the walls, and a thick layer of dust and grime coated everything. "Being forgotten...it's a horrible feeling, wouldn't you think?" Raito asked airily, running his finger along the counter_. _He frowned at the dust that covered it.

"I...agree," Ryuzaki murmured, suddenly feeling extremely uncomfortable. It was an awkward feeling, one that made him self-conscious. He could feel his face heating up, even though he normally didn't blush. What was this?

"I'll be upstairs for a moment," Raito said simply. "Don't follow me."

Ryuzaki didn't.

**::**

Raito smiled softly to himself once he reached his room. It was exactly the same way he'd left it, not a pen was out of place. His room was just as dirty as the rest of the house, but in some way, he didn't mind. It was like a museum, preserving everything the way it was meant to be. The smile on his face faded away when he stepped on a ripped piece of police tape that lay on the floor. Grimacing, Raito kicked it aside. He might have been there for the memories, but he didn't want to recall everything.

"I thought you weren't going to come here again." A gravely voice said with just a hint of amusement.

"Ryuk, I thought you were staying with Mikami," Raito sighed, closing his eyes and shaking his head. "I thought he was '_interesting_'."

The shinigami only laughed. "So are you Raito. I know I wouldn't want to come back here... not after-"

"Shut up. As far as I'm concerned, nothing happened." To emphasize his point, Raito picked up the piece of police tape that he'd kicked, and crumpled it up, tossing it into the garbage basket by his desk.

He missed.

* * *

**Questions ^-^**

**1. **When I first watched Death Note, Light lost me at the "God of the World" part, but somehow won me over later when I watched Code Geass XD. When did he get too crazy for you?**  
**

**2. **Do you see Kira and Light as seperate people, kind of like Jekyll & Hyde, or Kira as Light's true nature?**  
**

**3. **Why do YOU think L & Light go together so well?

(I like their opposite-yet-equal thing they have going on. Where Light has an innocent appearance, but is ugly at heart; and L's not traditionally pretty, but on the inside is beautiful.)


	7. Hiding From the World

**AN: **I might stop asking questions on a regular basis, I like feedback better :P.

**Warnings: **Fake Amnesia Recovery (This probably isn't how it works, but it's convenient), Abuse of word "perfect" (Only for the flow), The Usual Mild Language**  


* * *

**

**Six**

**::**

_Lock the doors, and board the windows_

_So that nobody knows where we are_

_We are hiding from the world_

**-Lock the Doors, **Get Scared

**::**

In a quiet suburban neighborhood, sits a quiet suburban house. Once upon a time, people thought it to be the epitome of perfection - not too big, not too small - and what made it so utterly flawless was the family that had once lived inside of it. There was the police officer, the one everyone was proud to say lived in their town. He was always there for social events, but never at home. There was Sachiko, the sweet, kindhearted, pie-baking, Stepford wife. Everyone knew her, the angel of the neighborhood. And there were the children, adorably impish little Sayu and her gift-from-above older brother Light. Perfect, perfect, so fucking perfect.

The perfect home housing the perfect family also housed what went around for a while as the perfect murder.

The daughter had been at a sleepover with a friend on the other side of town. The cop had been working late at the office. No one knew exactly what had become of the mother and the son, only that their blood was splattered all over his room, bodies nowhere to be found - dead or alive.

Eventually, the only thing left of them was a story.

**::**

Ryuzaki shuffled through the house, absentmindedly nibbling on the end of his thumb. By no means was there anything impressive about the building, it was in every way shape or form, typical. And yet, there was something about the house that triggered a response in him. The more he paced through the kitchen and living room, the more he remembered, whether it had something to do with his times in the Yagami household or not. Things as irrelevant as his visiting moments at Wammy's House, when B had dared A to clean out Roger Ruvie's medicine cabinet swam into his consciousness, certain details as clear as day, and others foggy. The old Yagami house had a quaint feeling, albeit a dark one. Ryuzaki slowly started to walk towards the stairs, partly because of the memories flooding back, and partly because he simply didn't want to follow the orders of anyone, whether they had kidnapped him or not.

He paused mid-step, looking up from his feet. He could hear a voice. No, not just a voice, _voices. _His heart skipped a beat, he could have sworn that they were alone in the house. Once again, the notion of Raito dumping his body into a ditch returned. Ryuzaki wasn't one for eavesdropping (to quote Rhett Butler in _Gone With the Wind_, _"frankly my dear, I don't give a damn"_), but he still found himself edging along the wall, being careful not too make any loud noises as he ascended the stairs.

"I've been using Rem's," Raito's clearly annoyed voice floated from behind a closed door. "So I don't have to deal with one of you things flying around all the time," he muttered indignantly. One of you things? Flying? Ryuzaki wondered for a second if the brunette was crazy, before thinking back to that one Thanksgiving. There was no doubt that he was insane, the better question was _what the hell was he talking about?_

_"Heh heh, that hurts Raito," _another voice, a gravelly male's voice sounded. _"I liked Rem."_

"Tch, one annoying female was enough." The bitterness in his voice suggested that was what Raito thought of all women. "Would you pass me that?" There was an awkward silence before Raito finally sighed, presumably crossing the room to get it himself.

_"So is that why you came here?"_

"...Somewhat." Several loud noises came from the room, drowning out whatever it was the two were saying. Raito was tearing the floorboards up, apparently whatever it was they were talking about was buried there. "And I'm sure you've noticed, but I have a guest. I'd suggest you leave."

A...guest? What exactly did this man have planned? Ryuzaki swallowed hard, cursing his own paranoia. If Raito wanted him dead, this was probably the best place to do it, and so far, he was still alive. The thought failed to reassure Ryuzaki, only making things worse.

_"Why? Who is it, your boyfriend?" _The second speaker asked sarcastically. A sudden, tense silence fell in the room. Well...wasn't that something? Ryuzaki could practically _hear _the awkwardness. He was sure that Raito was killing the speaker over and over in his own mind.

After a long pause, the brunette finally said something. "Excuse me for a moment." Ryuzaki pressed himself against the wall, holding his breath as Raito opened the door to his room, heading off down the hallway. He didn't even glimpse in Ryuzaki's direction, apparently expecting his orders to have been followed. The other person laughed, a smug "_heh heh heh"_ before all was silent again.

The former-detective took a deep breath, slowly walking up the last few stairs. He looked down the dusty hallway, there was no Raito in sight. Ryuzaki opened the door to Raito's room a little bit wider, sliding himself into it as quietly as possible. Keeping his back against the wall, just in case someone was to sneak up on him, he looked around the room carefully. There was no one in sight. He hadn't heard anybody leave, and there was below a six percent chance that the second person was hiding somewhere, the mystery man would have made noise. He highly doubted that it had been his imagination.

He took a step away from the wall, biting his thumb harder than before. Where could this... Ryuzaki stopped mid-thought when he just happened to turn to the side, and see a big, blue head coming through the wall.

"Hello," the head grinned fiercely.

Holding back a scream, Ryuzaki collapsed.

**::  
**

_"To be honest, I'm a bit concerned about Light," Sochiro muttered under his breath, scraping another dish into the garbage and handing L the plate once it was clean. He looked over his shoulder into the living room, where the rest of his family was seated around the television, unable to agree on what to watch. Raito had it set to a history documentary, Sayu complaining about missing her favorite soap, and Sachiko insisting that maybe they should watch something a bit more family-oriented. A smile formed on the Chief's face, and he turned back to the detective. "He's been holed up in his room for a while, usually he's a bit more social than this."_

_L only shrugged. "I see nothing wrong with that. I do the same."_

_Sochiro paused, caught of guard somewhat. He coughed, trying to find the right words. "Ah, Ryuzaki, you and Light aren't very similar..." Avoiding L's gaze, he picked up another plate, scraping the remains of dessert off. The meaning in his words hung in the air, heavy as lead. There was no way this strange, hunched man could have anything besides a high IQ in common with his prized child. It was laughable. Of course, he wasn't going to be rude and state his thoughts out loud, even if L could already guess them._

_L decided to ignore that. "I am sure that Yagami-san would know more about Raito-kun than I would," Sochiro failed to notice his sarcastic undertone, much to L's amusement, "But I would assure him not to worry nonetheless."_

_"You don't think something's going on with him...do you?"_

_If it weren't for the fact that he was L, and therefore always frustratingly composed, he might have laughed._

**::**

His dark eyes fluttered open slowly, and Ryuzaki could only stare up at the ceiling in a daze. This whole day - no, this whole _week_ was like falling down a rabbit hole for him. What had happened to the quiet order of his life? Or what about his life...well, _making sense?_ Almost as though it could read his thoughts, the big blue creature floated so that it was standing just above him, grinning down.

"So this is L," Creature said, his voice laced with amusement. His bright red eyes didn't focus on Ryuzaki exactly, but on something just above his head. The thing didn't move, only standing and watching as Ryuzaki got up and scrambled away from it.

"I'm Ryuzaki," he managed, even though he was seriously beginning to doubt his own sanity. Why the hell was he talking to it? "Rue Ryuzaki."

"No you're L Lawliet," the Thing said, watching him carefully for a reaction. When Ryuzaki didn't completely flip out, it's shoulders hunched slightly, disappointed. "Raito brought you here, hm?" The Creature stretched, it's shoulders popping audibly.

"What...who...?" Ryuzaki tried to find the right question to ask it, so many questions buzzing through his mind he wasn't even sure where to begin. The Thing seemed to know what he was going to ask anyway.

"Ryuk, the shinigami," Ryuk said offhandedly, turning over so that he could do a handstand. The Joker-like grin on his face never faltered for a second. "I'm not the one you should worry about though," it chose it's words carefully, trying to get some sort of reaction. Ryuzaki was stoic.

"And who should I be worrying about, Shinigami-san?" At least, he _thought_ it was a male. Nonetheless, the gender of a monster was not exactly one of his biggest concerns. Ryuzaki was more occupied trying to count how many times he'd hit his head the other night. Surely this was a hallucination caused by head injury, right?

Ryuk balanced on one hand, grumbling under his breath. "Ah you're boring, but I'll tell you anyway. You should watch out for your friend there." The shinigami jabbed a thumb in the direction of the door. "Freaking insane."

"...What do you mean?"

"Heh," Ryuk pushed himself off of the ground, turning in mid-air so that he was now standing on his feet. "You don't know?" Like they were sharing a secret, the shinigami lowered it's voice, moving closer to Ryuzaki. "He killed his own mother."

* * *

Questions, Comments? :) Whatever you like


	8. Hell of My Heart

**AN: **I absolutely love this song :D, and sorry for the lack of updates, I was away. So here's a long chapter to make up for it ^-^

**Warnings:** "Name-Switching" (His parents call him Light instead of Raito), Violence  
**

* * *

**

**Sept**

**::**

_Deep within the hell of my heart, I can't go back_

**The Final, **Dir En Grey

**::**

The front door closed fairly softly, but resounded through the house almost as though it had been slammed. It wasn't so much the door that seemed to echo throughout the house, it was, for lack of a better term, the symbolism of it. Sochiro was off at work yet again, Sayu had just left for a sleepover, and at some point, Light had quietly slipped out the door without leaving any hint of where he was going. Usually, Sachiko wouldn't worry about that. Her son was absolutely angelic, she never had to worry about things that other parents did, drugs, alcohol, peer pressure, girls. (Sayu's theory was that the only reason Sachiko didn't have to worry about Light knocking some girl up was because he didn't like girls, a suggestion that was promptly ignored.)

No, the closing door meant only one thing: she was alone again.

Sachiko turned away from the dishes she'd been washing, resting her hands on the counter top and staring out the window. Whatever had happened to her close-knit, picturesque family? Nowadays, she could feel them all drifting apart.

She turned the sink off, turning around and heading towards the stairs. Whatever was going on with Light, she was sure that it could be easily taken care of. Yes, everything would go back to normal, and the whole family would be happy.

Light's room was nearly pitch black. The curtains were pulled as tightly as possible, so that not even a beam of sunlight could make its way inside. Sachiko frowned, crossing the room to pull them open and let some light in. It gave her a sort of hollowed feeling to look around; it looked as though no one lived there. Well there wasn't anything out of the ordinary there. What had she been expecting to find? Prescription pills on his night table? Cocaine under his bed? A relieved sort of sigh escaped her lips, and she leaned against his desk. At least he wasn't into anything illegal.

For some reason, one she would never understand herself, something caught her eye. A ripped piece of paper, not even half a page in size, was crumpled up on the floor by her feet. Light was usually very meticulous about things like that, she figured that it must have dropped from his pocket or something. Sachiko bent down to pick it up, unfolding it carefully.

_Tucker Harry, Mario Bellini, Chester Mickey, car accident, cars subsequently catch fire and burn, 5:58 PM, Feb 22nd  
_

The names sounded vaguely familiar, as though she had heard them somewhere before, despite being foreign. Sachiko paused, looking down at the watch around her wrist. It was around 5:52_._

She wasn't quite sure why she did, but she pulled up the chair from her son's desk and turned his television on. Some drama was just ending, and it was only a matter of time before the six o' clock news or this odd car accident prediction. A slightly nauseous feeling arose inside of her, and Sachiko could only hope that she wouldn't have to sit through either one._  
_

**::**

_'Just this evening, not to long ago, there was a three-car pile up in Shinjuku. Coincidentally, the only three victims of the crash were accused child molesters who all got off due to a lack of evidence. Ishin Natarou is live at the scene...'_

**::**_  
_

"I'm home," Light's voice sounded from downstairs, breaking Sachiko out of her trance.

"Upstairs..." her voice was hollow, and nearly unrecognizable. She grasped the paper in her shaking hands, turning slowly towards the door. Her stomach lurched forwards when Light appeared in the doorway, looking as angelic as ever. It was as though Sachiko was seeing him for the first time - what was behind the false look of innocence? Without saying another word, she dropped the crumbled piece of paper onto the floor. She had thought of a million reasons as to why he would know about their death, and not one of them was good.

"Wh...where did you find that?" Her son demanded, a slight edge to his voice.

**::**

"So he used the Death Note to kill her?" Ryuzaki asked, tilting his head to the side and chewing on his thumbnail.

The thing - Ryuk, shook it's head. "No. He wouldn't have done that, at least, I don't think. He would've been able to talk his way out of things."

"Why didn't he?" The brunette couldn't remember everything about this

Ryuk grinned wider. Apparently the memory still amused him to this day. "He couldn't."

**::**

Sachiko stood up slowly, as if moving too fast would cause her to collapse. It was in doing so, that she _just happened_ to look up. Her eyes went above Light's head for just a brief moment, _a brief second_. Whatever it was that Light was saying, all the excuses he was inevitably making were reduced to mere background noise. There was something there behind him, something huge and horrible. Sachiko's breath caught in her throat as she looked into it's eyes, a bloody crimson. Was Light aware of it? It hovered behind her child calmly, how could he not notice it? Unless of course, he already knew it was there...

The thing met her horrified gaze with interest, soaking up all of her fear. And then it laughed - destroying all doubts that Sachiko had been having. It was really there.

Light heard it's laugh and stopped talking, frowning suddenly. He opened his mouth to say something else, but before he could even inhale, she screamed.

"Light!" She shrieked, grabbing on to his desk to keep her balance. She pointed behind him, barely able to form words. "Behind you! It's-!"

Light turned around for a second, before returning his attention to his mother. Gone was the casual look he always wore, replaced by pure panic. What else about him had been a lie?

"Mon! Ster!" Sachiko couldn't breathe. She backed away from them both, heart pounding heavily. Light was walking towards her, with the thing right on his heels. He was trying to force himself to look calm, but his honey brown eyes were overflowing with fear. "Get away!" She screamed, picking up the nearest item and hurling it at them. He knew about the monster, and now he was leading it right to her.

"You're imagining things mom!" His voice was shaking, unstable. Light walked towards her with his arms open, holding her in a stiff hug. "You...you need a doctor. Come on, we'll go downstairs and call one."

"No!" Sachiko screamed. She twisted away from her son, breaking free of his grasp. For a brief moment, his face contorted, she hadn't even known it was possible for him to look like that. Light reached out and grabbed on to her arm, but she wrenched herself free once more. Sachiko pushed past Light, running towards the stairs. "I-I'm calling the police!"

"You can't!" Light ran after her, the thing still following closely behind. "Stop!"

And in all of his panic, he did the only thing that he could think of doing. As his mother began to descend the stairs, Light stuck his arms out and pushed.

Sachiko's ankle twisted as she lost her balance, tumbling down the stairs headfirst. She fell all the way to the bottom, slamming her head into the wall at the end. Light stood at the top of the stair case, frozen. Blood trickled down the side of his mother's head, and she lay there motionless. But only for a short while. She forced herself to stand up, dragging her body towards the cordless phone in the living room. Light's eyes widened, and he thundered down the stairs after her.

"Mom what do you think you're doing?" He demanded as she reached for the phone slowly. "You can't do this...put it down..."

"You're a criminal," Sachiko choked out, lifting the phone up off of the coffee table.

Light grabbed on to one of his mother's decorative vases just as she pressed the 'TALK' button.

Squeezing his eyes shut, he swung.

**::**

An awkward silence settled over the Task Force headquarters. Aizawa's chair was empty, his presence replaced with a heavy tension. His absence was impossible to ignore, and even though the doctors said that he would be fine, it was impossible to forget. Matsuda fidgeted in his seat, staring at his thumbs and avoiding everyone else's gazes. He looked over at the Chief anxiously, puppy-like eyes wide as if asking _do you really want to do this?_ Sochiro looked away, fixing his gaze on Kitamura, who sat opposite him with his hands folded patiently.

"So what you're basically saying is...?" Kitamura's voice was calm, but there was smug satisfaction laced through it.

Sochiro cleared his throat. "There is a chance that Ryuzaki may regain his memories."

"And...?"

"And he may be with Kira."

Kitamura nodded, pleased. "This wouldn't have been an issue if we had just done things my way, would it have been?" He waited for Sochiro to nod, and even though he did not smile, he radiated a calm delight. "Well, you will have to leave things up to me. Unlike you gentlemen, I actually have given thought to this. We will find them both."

"A-alive, right?" Matsuda asked meekly, speaking for the first time since his arrival.

"...More or less."

* * *

**Questions :)** I know I said I probably wouldn't, but one of 'em's actually important

**1 **Would you rather have me use their actual names? Light as opposed to Raito & L as opposed to Ryuzaki? It can go in either direction really.**  
**

**2 **How should the relationship start - seeing as this was a _yaoi _challenge, should it bud slowly or be forcefully pried open? Do you want L to slowly fall for him, or be forced into it?**  
**


	9. To Know Distrust

**AN: **Now the relationship part can officially begin ^-^**. **I apologize if it feels filler-y. Sorry once again about the slowness~ I was off on vacation being eaten alive by mosquitoes :D

**Warnings: **Language, Very Mild Brief Violence**  


* * *

**

**Huit**

**::**

_From the start humans don't have the foresight to know things like distrust,  
but each time they're betrayed gives birth to suspicion, provokes an explosion,_

**-Volcano, **Girugämesh

**::**

Ryuzaki now knew two things. First off, he was dealing with much more than he had thought. The shinigami had explained everything to him regarding the Death Note, and that this man who insisted he be called Raito was in fact Kira. The thought was even more unsettling than it had been before, to know that if Raito wanted to kill him, there was about a zero percent chance of him surviving. His name, which had never meant anything to him could be his undoing. Second off, Ryuzaki mused as he followed the brunette back to the car, he had to get the hell out of there. Fast.

He'd had his doubts before, more out of his own curiosity than anything else, but now he was sure. The moment his captor put his guard down or made the wrong move, Ryuzaki would make his great escape. Raito hadn't found out about his 'orders' being disobeyed, and Ryuzaki realized it would probably be in his best interest not to bring any of it up. It bothered him somewhat, having to be so careful. Usually he could say just about anything he wanted and..._oh god why did he have to look at him like that?_

Strange glances weren't exactly foreign to him, he would usually either brush them off, or turn around and stare back until the other person became uncomfortable and looked away. It never failed, whether he was looking at an old lady at a grocery store, or Matsuda. But this, this was something completely different.

Ryuzaki could _feel_ this gaze, more so than any other. It was as though someone had pressed two hot coals onto his back, and they were burning holes through him. Yet, whenever he turned around, he only got a faux smile. This man didn't care.

"Backseat."

Ryuzaki tensed up for a moment, wondering if Raito had found out about his orders being ignored. There was no sign of it. He glanced at the car, at the back seats. He could enter through the left door, wait for Raito to buckle up in the driver's seat, and before they picked up too much speed, exit through the right door. Well, at least he had a plan. The raven slid into the backseat calmly.

Much to his discontent, Raito did the exact same.

"Calm down," he said airily, though the smile on his face wasn't there anymore. "This might hurt a little..." From his back pocket, he took out a small box cutter.

Ryuzaki's eyes widened drastically, and he backed up against the car door, trying to put as much distance between them as possible. Questions spun through his mind at rapid speeds, but he could barely utter out a word. He was going to die, wasn't he? He backed away further, grabbing hold of the door handle, and pressing his weight against it. He toppled over backwards, landing on the dusty driveway. Before he could even turn around, Raito came after him, grabbing him by the collar and pulling him up so that he was sitting down in the car.

"Struggling won't help you any," the brunette said through clenched teeth, trying to pin him down. He finally managed to, only after twisting Ryuzaki's arm. The older man hadn't eaten in over twenty-four hours, it was clear his body was exhausted. "Only a moment..." he said, grabbing onto the hem of Ryuzaki's plain white t-shirt.

_What the hell kind of psycho had he been hanging around?_

The knife hurt more than anything Ryuzaki had ever felt in his life. He tried to flinch away, but was pinned down tightly. Part of him wondered why his captor wouldn't just hurry up and use the damned notebook, instead of letting him suffer like this. He could feel hot blood begin to pool on his skin. It wasn't deep enough to be fatal, but deep enough to break the skin.

One slice. Two.

Ryuzaki waited for hands to wrap around his throat, or for the symptoms of a heart attack. Neither came. Instead, he felt a hand running through his hair.

"L," the monster breathed, pulling him up into a sitting position. He didn't seem to care when Ryuzaki winced from the pain of it. "I'm not losing you again."

A few hours later, Ryuzaki would stand in front of a mirror and look at the scars, two lines just above his hips meeting to form a jagged L. A mark, the same way a farmer would brand a cow to show others who it belonged to.

His stomach would twist itself into knots when he realized that there was only a two percent chance that the L was for Lawliet, and a ninety-eight percent chance it was for "Light's".

**::**

"Wait up!" Matsuda called down the hallway, stopping to catch his breath. He jogged up to Kitamura and the chief, heart pounding in his ribs. The young man rested a hand on Sochiro's shoulder, using him to keep his balance. "O-okay. Let's go."

Kitamura only looked at him with something akin to disgust, and continued to walk at his brisk pace. For every step he and Sochiro took, Matsuda had to take two. "As I was saying Yagami-san," Kitamura said, not looking over his shoulder to see if Sochiro had caught up with him. "The members of the Kira Task Force will be given a short vacation and reassigned."

Sochiro's dark eyebrows furrowed. "But this is our case. Ryuzaki specifically chose us to-"

"L chose his path," Kitamura cut across sharply. Sochiro's face heated up a little, and looked away for a moment, just to hide his embarrassment. L's own name had become a taboo within the police force headquarters. There was a 'he-who-must-not-be-named feel to it, it was always 'Ryuzaki', never 'L'. Even then, the pseudonym left tension in the air. "You will be reassigned," he repeated, with a bit more force to his voice.

"But-" Matsuda stammered.

"The Kira Task Force has long since proved it's incompetence. Tell me, who was your last suspect?"

Matsuda coughed. "Well, uh, at one point there was one, but we weren't told who he was. Ryuza...Ryuzaki went to investigate it personally." Shame reared its ugly head when Matsuda realized what he'd just said. L had a suspect, and had decided not to tell anyone about it? No matter what he tried to think of, he couldn't find a single good reason for that.

"Exactly," Kitamura's face remained impassive, however there was a smug air to his voice. "You will not have to worry, instead of firing you-" it was obvious that he was just itching to add a _'like I should'_ to that statement - "I will simply have another team work on the case."

"Where are you going to find another one? Everyone else is too afraid for their own lives!" Matsuda said. "You remember how many members we had when we first started?"

Kitamura grinned, stopping in front of a small white door, and taking a card out from his pocket. "That's not an issue. I have the next best thing." He swiped the card in the door, standing proudly as it opened. He grabbed onto the handle, waiting for Sochiro and Matsuda to walk in ahead of him. "Gentlemen."

The room was filled up with towers. Upon closer inspection, the two realized that they were standing in a representation of Tokyo, made completely out of dice. The room was illuminated by several blinking screens, each displaying a different channel, each program having something to do with Kira. Kiyomi Takada's smug face covered most of them, talking about the latest orders from their 'god'. An overweight man with glasses in a cult-like robe was yelling about donations to build Kira's palace. Sochiro figured that he was probably receiving millions of dollars, the general public having forgotten that Kira's identity was a secret - he wouldn't come out for any palace.

"Would you mind shutting the door, Kitamura?" A flat voice asked from the center of the room. In all of the clutter, neither Matsuda nor Sochiro had taken notice of the only person in the room. A boy so pale, he almost blended in with all of the dice towers.

"Who...?" Sochiro trailed off, staring at the boy. There was something odd about him, something that strangely felt like déjà vu. The boy, who couldn't have been a day over fifteen, looked at him with cold, dark eyes.

"This," Kitamura was nearly swelling with pride. "Is Near."

* * *

**-** Near or Mello? (I'm Team Mello :D)

- The 'L' scar? Any thoughts?


	10. Wrong Feels Right

**AN: **I like the song's he's released off of Recovery :), I think his serious songs are much better than the ones like 'Just Lose It', but that's just my opinion.

**Warnings:

* * *

**

**Neuf**

**::**

_As long as the wrong feels right_

_It's like I'm in flight_

_High off of love_

_Drunk from the hate_

_And I love it_

**-Love the Way You Lie, **Eminem ft. Rihanna

**::**

Misa didn't believe herself to be a stupid woman. She knew she wasn't exactly the world's brightest (no, that was her beloved Raito-kun), she didn't think of herself as an idiot. She knew how the world worked, or at least, the way her world did. In Misa's world, there was a certain order to things. Love conquered all, every god had his goddess. The blond had a sort of fascination with gods and goddesses, at the ancient Greek artwork portraying Zeus and Hera. Sure they had their issues, but what couple didn't? They stayed together forever, at their spot on top of the world. She fancied herself a sort of Hera, and she would sit on the throne with her Zeus for all eternity, because that's just the way things went.

She never expected this Hades or Poseidon, this L to come force his way into the picture.

They were Kira. Misa accepted that, even though she would have preferred it to be just Raito. Like Hades, Poseidon, and Zeus, they ruled together. Kira was master of all, so why - _why, why, why_ - would he want to spend his time with a lesser-than? Especially such a clumsy one - according to her fiance, L was always winding up in 'accidents'.

As L lay out on the same couch she'd sat on, waiting for her beloved to return, Misa felt an ugly feeling bubble up in her stomach. It was as though something was trying to claw it's way through her throat, all the harsh words she bit down as to not upset her god. Like a "dear" (Even she could sense the mocking tone in Raito's voice, but she swallowed it like a dry pill, only glad she could see him smile again), she pressed the wet handkerchief on L's head. How was this even possible? Everyone had said that he was dead!

_"He's alive!" _Raito had spat only mere days ago, his face twisted into grotesque rage. This was nothing new to Misa, she had always been taught about the wrath of a god, but his voice hadn't stopped ringing in her ears once.

"Nnh..." Those huge black eyes Misa despised so much fluttered open, wide with confusion. She watched with something akin to annoyance as they scanned the room, taking it all in like some kind of supercomputer. He sat up slowly, dazed. She wondered what it must feel like to wake up in a random hotel room, bandaged, and see a famous supermodel sitting across from you, eyes narrowed like a viper's. "Where is this?" He asked groggily. (She didn't ever think she'd hear _L _sound exhausted, it wasn't like he was human or anything.)

"_My_ home," she pouted childishly.

L either didn't notice the emphasis on 'my', or didn't care. Misa would have liked to tear her hair out, grab him by the collar and shake him, screaming in his face _'how can you possibly be alive!'. _Instead, she would hold herself with dignity.

She would "be a dear".

"There's cake for you," Misa grumbled, not even bothering to feign her usual cheery persona. L perked up immediately. Said dessert rested only a few feet away from him, on the coffee table. Strawberry shortcake, his favorite. Misa wondered for a moment if Raito remembered what _her _favorite food was.

L sat up - albeit slowly, barely able to manage his new crouching position with the gauze wrapped around him - and immediately went for it, taking a huge forkful. "So the famous Misa-Misa has bought me cake? Hm."

"I would never-!" Misa frowned, before remembering her appearance once again. Who had ever seen Hera with frown lines? "Raito did."

L couldn't have dropped that cake any faster. "I'm not hungry." He lay back down, staring up at the ceiling with dead eyes. Who was he kidding - he was beginning to look like a refugee.

"That's unhealthy L," a honeyed voice came from the doorway. The future god of the world made his grand appearance. In Misa's eyes, there was something magical about him whenever he entered the room. The way he managed to suck all the oxygen out of the atmosphere fascinated her. Raito sat down on the sofa opposite L, wearing that innocent expression as always. After a few tense moments, his gaze lazily flicked over to his fiance. "Misa, go fix your hair."

Misa's jaw nearly dropped. "But Misa wants to stay here, Misa already fixed her hair!"

"I don't like it, go do something else." He had completely lost interest in anything Misa had to say. She bit her tongue to keep herself from saying anything she shouldn't. But...did he really not like it?

"You're still here-" Raito started.

"Actually I think that Misa-chan's hair is fine," L cut him off.

The tension that followed couldn't have been cut with a machete. Misa froze, unsure of what to say, or think for that matter. She waited for the rage, for some kind of reaction to L's interruption. The two stared each other down for a moment, Misa left on the sidelines.

"_Darling_," the syrup dripping from the mass murderer's voice was too sweet, even for Misa. It was like swallowing a spoonful of sugar. "I only say that because I want you to look your very best so I can take you out to dinner tonight." The blond's face lit up instantly. "You know that place you've been talking about all this time? I wanted to celebrate your new magazine cover." The look on L's face questioned whether or not it was the magazine in Raito's trunk - the one he'd torn her picture in half on.

Misa perked up, jumping up immediately. She hugged her fiance for a nanosecond, just long enough so that he wouldn't pull away, before scampering over to the door. She paused in the doorway, turning around and meeting L's eyes. Had he really just stood up for her then? Had he?

Still under his gaze, Misa bowed politely, before heading out of sight.

**::**

L. Every time one of them said it, it took the former detective a moment to remember that they were addressing him. Well, he figured he'd have to get used to it eventually, it _was _his name.

Wow. It even sounded strange when he thought it.

"You're not taking her anywhere, are you?" L said flatly, fixing his gaze on the ceiling. Anywhere but at the man sitting right across from him. Just having him be in the same room made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He forced himself to remain calm, to make sure that he appeared as emotionless as ever, even though he felt slightly nauseous.

"What would make you say that?" Raito asked, tilting his head to the side as though he couldn't fathom where L would have gotten that idea from. He reached over to the coffee table, picking up a pen and one of the notepads hotels usually left for the guests. He gestured casually towards the doorway. _Still listening in. _"Of course I would, today's a cause for celebration, isn't it?" He spoke just a little bit louder than necessary, but L highly doubted that Misa would pick up on it.

_L, what happened to you?_

"I do not know."

"Don't be ridiculous."

_'I do not know.'_

"Actually I'm not quite sure of what we're celebrating," his voice wavered as he bent over the notepad, the scar on his abdomen burning painfully. L felt Raito's eyes sink to where he'd carved the L. Instinctively, he moved his hand to cover it from view, not liking the way it made his stomach twist itself into knots.

_Why the hell wouldn't you know!_

"Your return, of course." Raito's teeth were clenched, yet his voice was airy and offhanded. "Though you managed to hurt yourself pretty badly there. You're rather accident-prone, aren't you, L?" Accident-prone? L had a brief, but vague mental image of Misa treating a bloody nose. So that was what he told the woman whenever he or L turned up with a black eye or busted lip. Was that a threat? L was brought out of his thoughts by a finger lightly running over the scar.

"I wouldn't know." He flinched backwards from the contact, trying to ignore the stinging pain.

_'I wouldn't remember.'_

And in that moment, L happened to look up from the notepad, and meet Kira's eyes.

**::**

"Near?" Matsuda asked, incredulous. After five minutes of nothing but silence, he had been the only person able to find his voice. Near blinked slowly, assessing him. Apparently, the albino decided that Matsuda was not worth the attention, and went right on back to his dice tower.

"Be friendly, Near," Kitamura said smugly.

"If these are the men from the old Kira Task Force, I would rather be frank with them." Near's voice was like that of L's, only more robotic. Sochiro hadn't been sure that it was possible to more disinterested than L did, but now... "Have you already told them to step down?" Sochiro took notice of Near's choice of words, _told _them to back down, not asked.

Kitamura nodded, and it was as though he had suddenly shrunk. Next to this boy, this pale, strange boy, all of his authority evaporated into the air.

"I see," Near nodded, pausing to admire his handiwork. "Then they may leave."

"W-wait!" Matsuda stammered. "Uh, don't you want any leads or a-anything?"

The corners of Near's mouth twitched upwards in what just might have been a smile. "I assure you, I already have everything I need."

* * *

**End Note :]**

**1. **Misa? Tragic or obnoxious?**  
**


	11. Expression Swallowed in Perfection

**AN: **Argh I forgot the warnings last chapter. Ah well, I'm sure you know what to expect by now XD.

**Warnings: **Language, **  


* * *

**

**Dix**

**::**

_Imperfection peeked through in large quantity_

_Expression swallowed in perfection_

_I who sings black again. I who dyes black again._

_Insult that smashed my head many times_

**-Leech, **The GazettE_  
_

**::**

_Yagami Raito was a robot. Oiled and polished to perfection, programmed to run a certain way at all times. He did what he was supposed to, what was expected of him. His machinery was timed specifically to follow a routine, he would wake up and help out wherever he could, go to school and score higher than everyone else, come home, and ignore his father's empty chair. And he never complained or said anything, because he was a robot, obedient and utterly flawless._

_His parents liked to tell him how happy he should be. He had a loving family, some of the top grades in the country. Other people only wished that they could have children as wonderful as he was. He should be grateful. He should be proud. He should be glad._

_But he wasn't, because he was a robot, and robots could not feel._

_People just couldn't understand that._

_"She loves you," L said in that monotone one day, out of the blue. He was sitting in that same chair, poised over his laptop. He did not look up, too busy running on his usual functions. "More than you think, she seems more attached than any of your other followers." There was a hint of disapproval in his voice, but Raito didn't take it seriously, because L had been programmed not to approve of such things. No matter how trivial. (And in his humble opinion, all matters involving Misa were mundane.)_

_"She doesn't know me," he said flatly. Misa doesn't love him, he's convinced. She loves his looks and his fake charm, his power and his popularity. She loves the person he pretends to be. But she doesn't love him. Not that he would know what love was._

_"Hn?" L glances up pausing for a brief moment. Raito isn't quite sure why L asks, because he knows exactly what his companion means. He always knows._

_Misa can't honestly love him, could she? Of course not, she doesn't know who he is, what he is. How could she?_

_He wasn't too sure himself.  
_

**::**

"I asked for black and they gave me gray!" The high tone in Misa's voice hacked through Raito's thoughts like a chainsaw, ripping his train of thoughts into shreds. He flinched back from the sheer volume, blinking as though he'd just woken from a trance. Which, incidentally, he had. "And they're supposed to be professionals!" Misa shook her head at the injustice of it, pouting when she realized that he hadn't been listening to a single word. (It was frustrating how she refused to frown - was she really that shallow?) "Were you listening?" The blond sounded no different than usual, but for some reason, her voice seemed extremely shrill. It literally _hurt_, reverberating inside of his head like the ringing of a bell. "You're my fiance! You should at least listen to what I'm saying!"

How could he possibly listen to such _drivel _when his mind was tumbling away?

"My apologies dear," his face seemed to smile on its own, contradicting the frustration building up on the inside. _What the hell did L mean he couldn't remember? _"You were talking about shoes?"

Misa's round face puffed out. "No! It was my eyeshadow!" Of course, they were some of the only topics she seemed to know anything about.

Raito only nodded as though he was sorry for his mistake, looking down and pretending to read his menu. Honestly, didn't the girl have any other interests? Besides him of course. It took physical effort to keep from rolling his eyes as Misa prattled on about what she would wear as Kira's bride. Would she have been half as enthusiastic if L had been the original Kira?

L again.

L and his midnight eyes, wiped clean of all the wisdom they once held. That face that was both the most plain thing he'd ever seen, and at the same time, the most interesting. L and his-

_"Raito!"_

_Damnit. _"Hm?"

"You never answered me!" For a brief moment, the two locked eyes. Maybe it was just his imagination, but there was something accusatory about her gaze. He brushed the thought aside, accusing him of _what_ exactly? No use wondering about something so vapid.

"Oh, right. I'm sure you'll look amazing in whatever you choose to wear." Throw in a 'sincere' look, and a small smile, almost as though you were picturing it, and bingo. The comment earned a girlish giggle, and another tirade. It was too easy, annoyingly so. She was everything L was not and vice versa.

It couldn't be true, could it? Amnesia? What was this, a soap? Raito was pretty sure those were the only places where such things happened. (Ha, maybe he should ask Sayu for advice.) If L couldn't recall their reign, then did that change everything? The older man was self-righteous, looking down upon anything and everything he thought of as amoral. Did...did that mean that he could no longer be trusted? Would he turn them in? The thought of being handed over to the incompetent Task Force in handcuffs, and having Sochiro look at him with disappointment filled him with frenzied rage. He could hear his own father already _'I thought I raised you better than that!'_

_"You never raised me at all!" _The words slipped out in a harsh whisper before he had the chance to stop them.

Misa, poised over the low-carb section in her own menu looked up, ceasing her long description of their 'perfect wedding'. "What was that?"

Shit. He wasn't supposed to let matters of the past come up anymore, much less let them affect him. "Ah, I'm not really feeling like myself," he looked down when he said that, almost as if he was ashamed of admitting it. "I guess I have been away for too long, maybe I should have rested first." Raito caught sight of the disappointed look forming on the blond's face. "Too eager to see you, I suppose." _(Mix in an embarrassed laugh and __voilà! You've created__ clay in your own hands.)_ It even sounded like utter bullshit to his ears, but Misa drank it up.

"Aw, it's okay," she put a hand over his in what was supposed to be a reassuring manner. Did she honestly believe him? "When we get back, Misa-Misa will take care of you!" Would it have killed her to act her own damned age for once? Raito suddenly felt as though he was sitting across from an overgrown six-year-old.

_Patience, _he had to remind himself mentally. _She's only trying to be nice... _"You know Misa," he said, hating the sound of his own voice. It was thick and syrupy, too sweet. Sweets... had L finished that cake? An amused smirk made it's way onto his face - he'd promised the former detective that if it wasn't gone by the time he got back, he was going to have to feed him. L having to be force fed desert - that would be a sight, now wouldn't it? Lost in his own thoughts, he nearly forgot about the woman sitting across from him.

"Yes, _sweetie_?" Gag.

"I think we should move our location, don't you? Maybe move into something more spacious, in a quieter part of town."

There it was: that look in her eyes. "Why? So L won't have to sleep on the couch?" Misa absolutely detested their separate bedrooms, and made it known whenever possible. In the back of his mind, Raito made a mental note to make sure their next home had bedrooms even _farther _apart.

"That's the thing, I think we should leave _Ryuzaki_-" he stressed it as a means of correcting her, she wasn't close enough to him to call him L - "back at our current suite. I'll handle all of the details with him. Maybe a house instead of a hotel, so you can finally get the chance to redecorate."

Sold.

"Yay!" Misa squealed like a hormonal teenager at a concert, bouncing in her seat. "It'll be our first real apartment!" Grinning from ear-to-ear, she started a long list of all the things she'd always wanted to do with 'their' room. (Ha.) Something in his gut told him that redecorating wasn't exactly the real reason behind her excitement, but he ignored it.

Why hadn't he thought of it? He held the door open for Misa as the two left the restaurant before the bread arrived, heart pounding against his ribs. Who said that L would still be on justice's side...on _his _side? Raito shoved his hands in his pockets, staring straight ahead, eyes fixated on nothing in particular. He would check out of their hotel and move L back to the warehouse, cut off the phone lines, and keep him there. It would be harsh, he didn't think that the raven would respond too kindly to that, but necessary nonetheless. And, there was the fact that he could get away from Misa just long enough to find something.

The truth.

**::**

_Misa took to the notebook, a fly to honey. Or, maybe a more accurate metaphor would be 'a moth to a flame'. L had seen the effects of it, no one, _no one_ could do so much killing and not feel any kind of effect. There were times when even the great Kira would curl into a ball in the corner, covering his ears to block out the screams that haunted his nightmares. Where he would have arguments with himself when he thought no one could hear, screaming at his own conscience that everything he did, he did so with the world in mind. When the rush of power faded away, the adrenaline stopped pumping through those veins, things suddenly weren't so easy._ _She seemed to be the exception._

_Her fingers were ablaze as she scrawled messy name after messy name from the stack of police reports her god had stolen. Blood-red eyes scrunched slightly in determination, for hours and hours until even redder cracks formed on them. L found it strange, and mildly disturbing to an extent. Raito, of course, found it incredibly amusing._

_"You see that Ryuzaki," he said lazily, stretching out and yawning like a cat. Maybe cat wasn't the right word, L mused silently. More like a lion. "That's commitment and enthusiasm."_

_A blink. "That's obsession."_

_"Is it a crime that someone else is as committed to cleansing the world as I am?"_

_"Yes, actually, it is. That's called mass murder." That earned a brief look of surprise, almost as though the brunette hadn't believed that L would say it. He probably should have known better. The same way he should have known what he was doing to the girl. When she finally stopped writing, turning away from the Death Note with a wide grin on her face, it wasn't for a peaceful future. It was to hear him praise her in 'that voice' again. L snorted, picking up his laptop and typing away furiously. He probably _did _know what he was doing...the same thing he did to everyone._

_For some reason, that hurt._

**::**

Raito slipped in through the door, closing it carefully. The lock clicked softly, yet somehow, it seemed to echo infinitely in the dark. It was a welcoming sight for his tired eyes, Misa had dragged him around Tokyo just so he could see her obnoxiously bright ads displayed just about everywhere possible. Ridding himself of the blond was like taking a winter coat off in July, an extreme relief. Not moving from his spot in front of the door, he switched the lights on, dimming them so that they cast an orange glow.

L was lying on the couch like Sleeping Beauty, hands folded over his chest. It seemed that everything had finally taken a toll on him, and he'd eventually had to give in to sleep. The raven looked peaceful for once, it was a nice change from the usual suspicion that he exuded. Dark hair framed his face like a halo of some sort and- oh god, had he really resorted to such a cliche? Yet, it seemed there was no other way to describe it. The brunette's breath hitched in his throat when he thought of the jagged 'L', staining that pale skin, red and angry. A blemish. He found some pleasure in that, the fact that he alone had been the one to tarnish the former detective, to drag him off of that 'L' pedestal.

And someone else had been the one to destroy it.

_Accidental death, 12:43 AM_

The name had been erased hard enough to leave a gaping hole in the paper when Raito had found it. According to Ryuk, someone could use the 'Death Eraser' to bring back anyone whose name had been written. Not only had someone tried to destroy half of Kira, but they apparently didn't even have the courage to follow through. The bastards._  
_

All he needed was the proof, nothing more. L's little "accident" would be nothing but a small speed bump on the road to victory. A thing in the past. Once he was up there, who would care about L's leaving the police? Who would care about the methods used?

He turned the lights back off, making his way over to the couch slowly, lying down behind L's sleeping form.

L was his possession. A possession that someone else had damaged.

* * *

**Question :p**

**- Which do you think is better, stories where Light is Kira (and psychotic), or the ones where he has no recollection of it?**

I like the first one better, more emotional depth. Nice-Light is too...perfect and sparkly for me.

**-Has anyone read the zero chapter of Death Note?**

It's good, but compared to Light, the main character's boring :p. Taro Kagami uses the "_Death Eraser_" rule to bring the people he's accidentally killed back.**  
**


	12. What You Deserve

**AN: **School's seriously slowing down my writing flow DX. But I heard this song on the radio, and I _knew _I had to write something with it, lol. It just made things too easy :D

And just a little canon shout-out, the warehouse in this story is the one he died in. That won't be happening here xD**  
**

**Warnings: **Language (A teensy bit more than usual, I guess lol), Little Outburst, Brief Yaoi, **  


* * *

**

**Onze**

**::**

_"I tell you what to do_

_Without saying a word_

_Because I know what you're thinking, sugar_

_I know what you deserve"_

**-Mind Control, **Hal Linton

**::**

The woman at the front desk openly stared at the two of them as they walked past, disappointment clear on her face. L resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the way she nearly jumped over the desk at the sight of Raito. "Y-you're leaving?" She asked, making no effort to hide the disappointment in her voice. L looked away, unable to mask his annoyance by people in general. A pretty face and they lost all shame.

Raito just gave the woman an airy laugh, closing his eyes and tilting his head to the side. Could the woman see how calculated every movement was - it seemed glaringly obvious to L. (He took some small pleasure in that, even though he wasn't quite sure why.) "Ah, I'm afraid I won't be able to stay there any longer...too many memories." The lies spun from his lips like silk from a spider.

"Did you break up with your girlfriend?" The chipper sound of her voice contrasted her childish pout.

"...Yeah. It's really painful," he looked down with a wry smile as though embarrassed. "But I'll just have to move on." It was as though L didn't even exist.

"Aww." It was as fake as her sympathy. "Well, if you ever need someone to talk to-" she slid her number, already written down on a small sheet of paper across the table - "I'm here!"

"Thank you, I'll try that..." Raito turned the paper over, squinting at her poor handwriting. "Sana?"

L scoffed. What a wonderful performance. Maybe if the whole psycho thing didn't work out, Raito could get into acting. Sure enough, the moment they stepped out the door, the brunette crumpled the paper up and tossed it into the nearest wastebasket. L had to wonder why he even bothered putting up that faux nice act with everyone. Maybe playing around with people was a hobby. The same way with Misa. People always made it easy for him; almost as though they wanted to hear him lie, see his act.

"Pathetic, isn't it?" Raito asked casually, as though he could read L's mind. "It really is annoying."

"Then perhaps Raito-kun should stop leading people on," L said flatly.

No response.

Raito opened the backdoor to one of the cars parked out front (a different one, L wondered just how many people Kira had in his circle), waiting for L to slide into the back before getting into the driver's seat. The fluid grace was back, nearly automatic. "You haven't asked where we're going."

"I do not intend to stay," the raven replied, only for the sake of being defiant. It seemed as though every time he thought he could back his way out, something pulled him back in. As if to remind him of its presence, the scar stung.

Another awkward pause. "The warehouse. It's not as nice as here, but it will suffice. Besides, there will be fewer...annoyances."

_Annoyances_. There was something about the way he said it that sent chills down L's spine. He looked up briefly, only to find that Raito had been looking at his reaction in the rear view mirror. He quickly looked away, focusing instead on the window. The raven probably wouldn't be heading up that way ever again, and he was somewhat thankful for that. He didn't think he'd be able to handle being blindfolded. Especially not when he was being watched the way he was - it made him increasingly uncomfortable. Almost as though someone was looking right through him.

"Tell me," Raito asked out of the blue. "Do you remember where we stayed before?"

_"What is Kira, L? Say it loud enough for me to hear." _L remembered. Nonetheless, he stayed quiet, staring out the window as though he hadn't heard a single word.

"I liked it better there - back when she first moved in and wasn't there often. We've had some interesting times, haven't we?" He was still looking expectantly at L, waiting for some kind of reaction. Once again, L gave none. Raito's grip on the wheel tightened. "We're here." The edge to his voice was unmistakable.

He didn't open the door for L that time, instead going forwards to unlock the warehouse. L held back a sigh of relief. It was much easier to move and think without those eyes burning through him, but he had a bad feeling about things now that he _wasn't _being stared at. It was hard to explain, he wasn't quite sure of the feeling himself. All he knew was that once the warehouse doors closed behind him, he suddenly felt nauseous.

"I won't be able to stay with you today. You'll be fine alone, _won't you?"_

"..." L said nothing, only standing there, nibbling his thumbnail.

His head was slammed into the wall.

Raito shook him roughly by the shoulders. "Y-you're so fucking _frustrating!_" He snarled. This couldn't have been the same person who'd taken 'Sana's' number with a smile. Hell, L didn't know who he was dealing with anymore. _(Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde? Or just...Light?) _"Why the hell can't you just answer a simple question? Why would having someone know what you fucking feel be such a problem? Haven't I known you long enough?" His grip on L's shoulders suddenly loosened, his body going slack. "Haven't we been through...?"

L opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again. It was as though his mind and body had locked up at the first sign of emotion. He couldn't find the right words, or any words at all.

The brunette rested his head on his shoulder for a moment, only to catch his breath. He seemed drained after the outburst. "Been through enough for me to know?" Raito's shoulders shook with what might have been a bitter, suppressed laugh. He lifted his head - only a few centimeters away from L's own - to stare him down. "I should know you, Ryuzaki," he nearly breathed. "More than..."

The pain he'd felt from being slammed so hard was replaced by a burning embarrassment. Why was it that the younger man insisted on invading his personal space so often? And why was it that he always had to fight back a reaction? He was _L _goddammit.

"Yagami-" The older man was cut off when the mass murderer slammed his lips into L's.

The brunette pulled away, looking at L from underneath thick lashes. "More than anyone."

**::**

"Is it ready?" Kitamura turned around, finally putting a stop to his incessant pacing. It took great effort on his part not to loom over the boy, to keep his 'respectful distance'. His fingers twitched at his sides, brimming to the top with anticipation.

Near said nothing, reaching for another die.

"Well?" He could barely control his voice anymore.

Without even glancing at Kitamura, Near placed the die on top of the tower he'd been working on. He paused. "Yes. Everything has been prepared."

**::**

"He's gone already?" Misa shrieked at the girl sitting behind the counter. She slammed her purse down on the front desk, creating a much larger scene than necessary. "What do you mean he's gone?"

"He left quite some time ago," the girl yawned, her calm demeanor only making the blond look worse.

"But my Light-kun would've called! He wouldn't just leave!"

There was no denying the smug undertone in the random brunette's voice. "Well he did."

With a huff, Misa turned around, storming out of the hotel lobby. Her fiance should have been home a long time ago. How long could it possibly take to dump L somewhere? It was probably L's fault, the former detective had a talent for causing problems. Really, Raito would have been much better off without him. Misa headed out into the parking lot, angry thoughts swarming around in her head like locusts. Damn that Ryuzaki! She'd only wanted to return Raito's phone - he'd forgotten it at the restaurant in his haste to leave.

Along with L's.

It was like a weight in her pocket, reminding her of its presence. Reminding her of L's presence. She fully intended on throwing the stupid thing over the nearest bridge, just for the satisfaction of watching _something _of his disappear. It was a pain in the ass, really. Just to prove itself as even more of a pain, the phone buzzed suddenly.

"What now?" She mumbled, pouting and fishing it out of her pocket. There was nothing - no texts, calls, alarms, or anything like that. It had simply vibrated, as though of its own will. What a waste.

Misa barely had the time to put it back in her pocket when a blindfold was forced over her face.

* * *

**EN: **Geez, it's been a while, hasn't it? Ahh well, at least I've got something up ^-^ I just wanted to say I"m so grateful to everyone who stuck with it, and reviewed, despite my scatter-brained-ness. Haha.

No questions, just anything you want.


	13. As Long As You're Mine

**AN: **Haha, I'm honestly surprised I haven't used this song sooner XD. **  
**

**Warnings:** Some yaoi, language (of course XD it's almost automatic when I write)**  
**

**

* * *

**

**Douze**

**::**

_"I want your horror,_

_I want your design_

_'Cuz you're a criminal as long as you're mine_

_I want your love"  
_

**-Bad Romace, **Lady GaGa

**::**

_When Raito had first started school, he was quickly displeased to note that most classes wanted the same thing from him. Time after time, in several different classes, the teachers all asked the same things. What had he done over the summer? What was he thankful for? What did he want to do when he grew up? Then they would inevitably pass out the crayons and paper, and tell everyone to express their creativity. Ironically, everyone drew the same exact things: they wanted a huge mansion painted in their favorite colors, a limousine, two perfect, smiling stick-figure children, the whole works._

_All what they were expected to say._

_So he sat there, and colored a boxy mansion scarlet. He colored bright eyeshadow on the stick-figure meant to be a future spouse (even though it looked a bit clownish). He turned in the paper, all smiles, already tired of this monotonous world._

**::**

For a moment - a tension-filled, frustrating, and just plain uncomfortable moment - the only sound was the spinning of the giant fan. It's blades sliced through the air with precision, keeping time like the second hand on a clock. If the unresponsive silence had been frustrating before, it was fucking _infuriating _then. Raito loosened his grip on L's shoulders, the heat of his anger slowly fading away. He mentally cursed himself for having lost his composure so easily. He stepped back fluidly, hiding the fact that he'd even shocked himself just then. The mask of stability re-assumed it's position on his face.

He blinked, looking at L as though he'd never seen him before. "You're bleeding."

_Well of course you just slammed him into a wall._

"Indeed. It seems that I get injured quite often around you," L said flatly.

_The insolent little-!_ Raito quickly suppressed the anger that had risen within him. It wasn't going to do him any good if he lost his temper again. He wasn't quite sure what he would do the next time he did. It seemed like L was the only thing that could push his buttons and actually provoke a real emotion. None of those rehearsed reactions. Obnoxiously stubborn, but so...breakable. He could almost picture a crack running down the former detective's skull, splitting him like an egg.

Raito released the older man, walking through the warehouse doors to his car for a second. His mind was drifting off as he opened up the first aid kit he kept under the seat. _Poor broken, fragile L. _For some reason, the thought made him smirk. He came back in feeling oddly lifted, offering up a smile as though nothing had happened.

"Come here." He walked over to a set of crates, dusting them off before sitting down. L hesitated, but followed after him, sitting down on the floor. The brunette bit his lip to keep the smirk from reappearing. He took out a bit of gauze, applying it to the back of L's head. It was taking effort to keep his hand from shaking. "You know I don't mean to hurt you, don't you?" He asked calmly, leaning forwards slightly.

L closed his eyes, looking down and saying nothing. Maybe it was the light pouring in through the windows, but he looked especially weak.

"It's been quite a while hasn't it?" The small talk just flowed from Raito's mouth like a stream as he applied a bandage to L's head, taking every chance possible to trace that round face. "Did you ever look for me?"

"As I have said before, I cannot remember-" L stopped mid-sentence when the brunette cupped his chin in his hand, turning his face slightly. For a moment, something other than indifference flashed across his face. It was fleeting, barely there for a second, and yet Raito was sure he'd caught it.

"Not even a little-?" He asked, tilting the older man's head back just a little. L stood up, as though to pull away, but Raito simply did the same, turning him around so that his back was against the crates. _Easy does it... _"Some things, well, I don't think it's possible to forget."

L was frozen then, tensed up with something. Fear? Memory? Whatever it was, it was working in the younger man's favor. Without skipping a beat, and with much less force, he leaned into a kiss for the second time that day.

**::**

What was going on there? Just as soon as it had cleared, L's mind was a flurry of thoughts, a blizzard. He was suddenly aware of everything around him, every move he was making. His heart started pounding against his ribs, and for a moment, he wondered if Raito could hear it. Not that it would have mattered anyway. At that moment, it wasn't even about the contact - no matter how strange it made him feel. It was something else.

He remembered something. All too well.

This...this whole situation was familiar. L had been here before - the fingers in his hair, the close proximity, even the kisses were disturbingly familiar. And then it had hit him like lightning, making his stomach drop about seven stories. (For once, the exaggeration felt accurate.) Even as the memory dawned on him, it was becoming harder and harder to think straight.

"R-" he tried to say something, but instead flinched when the younger man bit down on his lip. Hard. The pain was enough to bring him out of his fog, if only for a moment. "Raito!" Unable to move, he resolved himself to the simplest form of self-defense possible. He kneed Raito in the stomach. "That's," _all-of-a-sudden breathing seemed like an impossible task - _"enough."

Raito's eyes narrowed slightly. (Had they always been that red?) He said nothing, only backing away, his face unreadable. "I'll come for you again tomorrow."

Was that a promise or a threat?

**::**

"I want my phone call!" The blond woman's high-pitched voice carried through the hallways, even after the door to the interrogation room was closed.

Sochiro barely suppressed a wince, massaging his temples and pouring himself a fourth cup of coffee. Despite the fact that he and the others were completely incompetent as their new higher-ups had pointed out, they had still been called in to meet up with Near. (A welcome break from the desk duty work he'd been reduced to, but a pain nonetheless.) He'd only met the boy once or twice, but Sochiro had a nagging feeling that this was Near's form of gloating. The boy was just as self-assured and arrogant as L was, if not more. He stared down into his mug. Forget the coffee, for the first time in his life, he was pretty sure that he needed a shot instead.

"Chief?" Matsuda poked his head into the break room. The whole ordeal had been taking a toll on the younger man, there were dark circles beginning to form underneath his eyes. It made Sochiro feel a bit guilty to be honest; someone Matsuda's age should have been out there, enjoying life. Before it ended for him as well. The chief felt older than ever just thinking about it. "Oh, um, they say there's something you should see."

Sochiro abandoned his mug, setting off to follow Matsuda, who looked even more awkward than usual. "Kitamura wants to see me?"

The younger man shook his head. Something in his eyes reminded the chief of a Golden Retriever. "No, Near does. He says it's important." He looked down at his feet.

For a while, the two of them walked in silence, until they finally reached the door at the end of the hallway - which had become something like Near's office. Matsuda offered up a weak smile before opening the door for Sochiro, stepping to the side.

"Yagami-san," Near's voice was as dull as ever, though he turned to stare at Sochiro. His gaze was just as intense as L's had been. "You had a son, correct?"

No beating around the bush. The older man wasn't sure if he should have been relieved or annoyed by this. "Yes, but I don't see how..."

Near nodded, swiveling his chair around so that he could grab a few papers from his desk. "Light Yagami, I presume?" Once again, he fixed that piercing stare on Sochiro. His eyes were like two black holes in space - there was nothing in them. No feeling, no emotion, just simple nothingness. It was unnerving.

"...Yes."

"Well then Yagami-san. Can you tell me what happened to him?"

**::**

_These things didn't happen to good people. Or at least, they weren't supposed to. Sitting there in the dark, accompanied by a bottle of scotch he hadn't mustered up the courage to drink, Sochiro realized something. It did. All the time. Honor students in bad neighborhoods got shot. Kids with bright futures committed suicide. It seemed like everywhere you turned, life was being stolen from the innocent - from those who deserved it._

_He grunted; a bitter, sarcastic sound. He was beginning to sound like Kira._

**

* * *

**

**Ending Questions:**

-Which suits 'Kira' more? Bipolar Disorder or Multiple Personalities? (_Here he's definitely bipolar, but just wondering out there) _:)

_-_It's a bit late for this, but isn't "raven" the term for someone with black hair? I was looking around & it seems to annoy people, but someone said that's what they're called. Hmm.

Ahh, I feel like this whole chapter was a bit awkward. I don't know._  
_


	14. Escape from the Ordinary

**AN: **Whew, what is it with Asking Alexandria & super-long titles? Ahh well, the titles are awesome XD. Next chapt will most likely be the past XD, but only to push it forwards. Woot I've had certain elements planned out since the summer when I first started this...it's just hard to get there.**  
**

**

* * *

**

**Treize**

**::**

_"You said you'd run away,_

_You said you'd run away with me (with me)_

_That we'd escape from the ordinary!_

_That we'd escape from the world that tied us down!"_

**-If You Can't Ride Two Horses At Once, You Should Probably Get Out of the Circus, **Asking Alexandria

**::**

"Wh-what?" Sochiro stammered. No one had ever asked him anything like that before. Near's tone, the way hints of accusation laced his otherwise flat voice, was like a slap in the face. "They never found him...he..."

"Don't you find that strange, Yagami-san?" The albino boy said. It was more of a statement than a question. He tilted his head to the side as if the conversation they were having was completely innocent. "The cause of your wife's death was blunt force trauma, and her body was left behind. Why would they take your son, but leave a body?"

Sochiro's throat felt drier than sandpaper. He wanted to open his mouth, say something in response to that, but it stayed clamped shut. Of course he'd found it strange. The chief had spent countless nights trying to make some sense of it, to try and find an answer to all of the things swimming through his mind. Why someone would ever want to hurt his family, how they could beat a human being to death and leave her corpse there, why it had to be him of all people. No answers had ever come.

"No signs of forced entry, no foreign fingerprints anywhere, nothing," Near continued calmly, twirling a white curl around his finger. "Haven't you ever questioned that?"

The chief's voice cracked, but he still managed to croak out a pitiful: "What are you suggesting?"

"Perhaps things didn't go exactly as you presumed. Have you ever considered the possibility that the police were wrong?"

No. Not once. In fact, as much as it pained him, he'd been counting on the police to be right. If they weren't...

"But then where...?" Sochiro faltered. So this was what Near had been trying to get to all along, wasn't it? The chief's stomach plummeted.

The tiniest hint of a smile made it's way across the boy's face. It vanished as quickly as it had appeared. "L didn't reveal much to any of you, did he?"

**::**

Misa buried her head on the desk, biting down on her lip to fight back tears. She sat in a small, white room without any windows, staring at a blank wall. No one had come to see her - but a voice over the intercom had told her to stay there, that someone would be arriving shortly. That had been about an hour and a half ago. With each and every passing second, the room seemed to shrink, until it felt almost claustrophobic. The door had been locked from the outside, leaving her detained there like some sort of mental patient. Misa huddled in the small plastic chair, shivering.

What was going to happen to her? What would they do? And (it pained her physically to even think about it) what about Raito?

_Maybe it has nothing to do with him, _the thought even sounded ridiculous in her own mind. Then what had she been _kidnapped_ for? An autograph?

When she'd gotten herself involved in all of it, never once had she considered that something might actually happen because of it. Misa had never even tried to think of any consequences, or any of life's 'what-ifs?' The blond had foolishly assumed that everything would work out, that the world would be perfect, and she would be safe forever. Simply because Raito had made her _feel _as though she would be safe for all of eternity - the goddess of the world. Oh, how beautiful it had sounded! What had sounded like a golden promise from his lips sounded like a shattered chance in her head.

And maybe, if it had only been the two of them, things would be perfect. But only the two of them. Not Mikami, not Mello (whatever the hell he was doing there anyway), not Takeda.

Not L.

_L. _This had all been his planning, hadn't it? From the very beginning...

Misa bit down on her lip until it bled, staining her already scarlet lips. It did nothing to help, the angry tears still flowed forth. Yes, he'd probably had it plotted out from the very beginning. His annoying-shadow act, misleading the police and everything- everything! And now it was all unraveling; L would pick them off one by one, until he got to Kira himself.

Her shoulders shook with a suppressed laugh of desperation. Had she played into his plans? At first, she'd assumed that Raito had been the target - her own foolish jealousy had driven her. But now she saw, L wanted the Death Note for himself, didn't he? Didn't he? The more she thought about it, the more it started to make sense to her, playing over and over in her mind. No, she couldn't let this happen. Misa _wouldn't _let this happen.

Nothing would get in the way of her beloved. Nothing.

**::**

It was as though his body wasn't quite sure how to react. For a moment, L sat on the cold floor, statue-still. Shivers ran up and down his spine, and it took all of his strength to keep himself from shaking. His head felt dull, his mouth sand-paper dry, his skin beginning to feel a bit clammy. L made a futile attempt at swallowing, only to find that it hurt worse than not swallowing at all. His stomach apparently wanted his throat to stay in pain, as it lurched forwards. He dragged himself to the nearest thing that could be called a garbage can, his insides turning over as he tried to throw up what wasn't there.

God, it felt as though he hadn't eaten in days.

When the room stopped spinning, he lowered himself back onto the cold ground, staring up at the ceiling. The last thing he needed now was for his body to go into shock. It was all too much.

Living as 'Ryuuzaki' had seemed incredibly boring at first, but now there was nothing he wanted more than to return to that simple lifestyle. Much less injury, and much more cake. In fact, all that he'd once thought of as bleak and uninteresting now sounded perfect. Ignorance truly was bliss.

L groaned, not surprised to find that it hurt just as much as swallowing. With the silence in the building, he was left with only his thoughts, and the increasing feelings of sickness. Why had he gotten himself wrapped up in all of this? When he'd first heard about it, he'd jumped right on the case - but he'd never, _ever _expected anything to turn out so...wrong. It was as though his common sense had flown south for the winter and never returned. Why hadn't he just turned Raito in when he had the chance?

Simple. He hadn't wanted to.

In all honesty, he was just as bored as Raito had been. Or, so the brunette claimed anyway. L found it increasingly difficult to listen to anything the younger man said, a good ninety-two percent of it was all lies. (And yes. He'd calculated it.) His motives were a mystery, excluding the whole 'world domination' thing. Wouldn't if have been better to just knock him off in the alleyway, all that time ago?

Unless, of course, he hadn't wanted to.

That seemed to be the strangest thought out of them all.

* * *

**1-**Which character (in canon) do you think deserves more love from the fanbase? Less love? :)

**2- **Would you be interested in a sort-of challenge multi-chapter story? :)**  
**


	15. Chains That Bound Me

**AN: **Whoever created computer worms deserved a kick where the sun doesn't shine. With steel-toed boots. T.T Forgive the long delays, I've been trying to get back on track, and thank you for reviewing and reading :) Sorry for this chapter's filler-ness, I really need to get back on track.

**Warnings: **Lots of miniature flashbacks :), be prepared for some italics.

* * *

**Quatorze**

**::**

_"To the tomorrow that no one knows_

_I just want you to forget all the faults; so with this voiceless cry_

_With these hands that know nothing_

_I tear off the chains that have bound me and simply open my eyes."_

**-Insult Kiss Me, **DEATHGAZE

**::**

The door creaked open slowly, its hinges squealing as though they were in pain. Misa looked up hopefully, god knows why. Hope seemed like a stupid emotion then, but that didn't stop her from hoping that none of this was real; that Raito would come in through the door at any moment. The bright smile on her face faded when she saw it was yet another officer, wearing the same weary look everyone else at the precinct had etched onto their face. She looked down at the table quickly, hiding behind her bangs.

_Just don't say anything, don't say anything..._

The policeman moved like he was walking through sludge, pulling out a chair and sitting down in slow motion. He held a thick manila folder in his shaking hands, and was staring at it through wire-rimmed glasses like it held all of life's answers. Misa glimpsed up once, looking for some sort of name tag. If he had one on, it was covered by a thick black coat.

"You ever get the feeling that everything's falling around you?" The officer mumbled under his breath, folding his hands on the table. Misa looked up, only to find that he wasn't looking at her - he was intently focused on his hands.

"W-what?" She asked. The blond bit her lip the moment it came out. So much for not saying anything.

"Nothing," he coughed, shuffling his papers one more time and finally looking up. There was something familiar about him...was it the eyes maybe? "Miss Amane, do you know why you're here?"

_Yes, unfortunately. _"Um...I think so," Misa said, keeping her gaze focused on the floor. "Is...is it Kira?"

The officer's eyes widened; apparently she wasn't supposed to come to that conclusion. He coughed again, regaining his composure. "Well, yes." He leaned forwards in his seat, and Misa got a quick glimpse of the tag he wore on his shirt.

_Yagami Sochiro._

Her heart skipped a beat.

"Officer," she somehow managed to say, even though it felt like her throat was slowly closing up. "Do you know a man called Ryuzaki?"

**::**

_"Yes! I'll get right on it, darling!" Misa-Misa beamed at Raito, staring at him with nothing short of pure admiration. She leaned in for a quick peck on the cheek - one, L supposed, Raito didn't have enough time to dodge - before turning on her heel, a whirlwind of crucifixes and black lace. "Bye Raito!" She nearly skipped off down the hallway, without sparing L so much as a glance. It had become her habit to completely ignore the older man - in fact, his presence hadn't truly registered on her radar until a week of acting as Kira's errand-girl._

_'Oh!' she'd gasped, nearly jumping out of her seat. L was vaguely reminded of those girls in movies he saw advertised; the plastic ones who would pretend to be friends with each other, only to stab each other in the back. 'When did you get here?'_

_'Oh, about a month ago,' he'd replied, before becoming furniture again.  
_

_Once the blond was out of sight, L snorted sarcastically. "I don't think Misa-chan likes me very much."_

_Raito scoffed in reply, wiping the red lipstick off of his cheek with a tissue. "It's your own fault," he said languidly. "But really, who cares?"_

_"I hardly see how that is my own fault Raito-kun," L deadpanned, the small smile sliding off of his face._

_"You're too antisocial, it makes people nervous." Either Raito hadn't noticed L's change in demeanor, or he didn't give a damn. It could have gone either way, really. He looked up, smirking slightly. "It's okay L, I still like you."_

_L flicked a chocolate sprinkle at him, but said nothing more._

**::**

_Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing_

_"Melloooooooooooo," _Matt sang out, taking a drag from his cigarette. "_Phoneee!"_

The blond emerged from the kitchen, glaring at the cancer stick his partner held between his teeth. "Put that shit out, asshole."

Mello rolled his eyes, not bothering to ask why Matt hadn't bothered to pick up the phone, when it was right next to him. It would figure. If it didn't involve Nintendo or nicotine Matt just wasn't interested. He snatched it up off of the receiver, glaring at the caller ID. A blocked number - meaning only one thing. Begrudgingly, he answered it. "_Yes your highness?"_

The voice on the other end wasn't the one he'd been expecting - and Mello still wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

"I need you to pick something up for me."

**::**

_"Mello."_

_The computer screen flickered to life, Matt's World of Warcraft creature was replaced by a giant black L. There was a slight pause, long enough for Matt to finish swearing about having to start all over again and Mello to drop his chocolate on the floor. "...And I'm assuming that Matt is with you as well."_

_Cautiously, Mello moved over towards the screen, almost as if it would disappear if he made any sudden movements. "...Yeah?"_

_"Are you two alone?" L didn't wait long enough for an answer, continuing as if he already knew. (Which he probably did.) "I will need the two of you to look into some things for me. Right now, the printer should be receiving a list of numbers, use the fourth one to contact me. Is this okay?"_

_He honestly didn't expect either one of them to say no, did he?_

_"Good." Once again, a response wasn't necessary. "I am assuming that you will not be telling anyone about this - Roger and Mr. Wammy included. And, Matt?"_

_Matt looked up, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah...?"_

_"It seems you've been attacked."_

_The computer returned to its normal state before anyone could say another word_

**::**

Sochiro burst through the doors to the interrogation room, hurrying down the hallway as though his life depended on it. He brushed past everyone in the crowded hallway, almost as though he was in a trance. It didn't seem to register when he bumped into Mogi, or accidentally knocked past Matsuda. The rookie's cries of surprise fell on deaf ears, the chief couldn't hear anything over the sound of his own blood pumping through his ears.

"Chief!" Aizawa called out, jogging to keep up with him. "Yagami-san!"

He caught hold of Sochiro's shoulder, finally managing to stop him. Sochiro flinched back, but relaxed when he saw who it was. "Oh, it's you."

Aizawa frowned, leaning on his cane. It took all of Sochiro's self-control not to stare at the officer's right leg, which had been permanently damaged at the knee. "Chief, where are you going?"

"I've got to find someone," the chief explained, out of breath. He turned away from Aizawa, and started to rush down the hall again.

"What?" Aizawa called after him.

Aizawa wasn't sure what Sochiro said after that, but it sounded an awful lot like _'my son.'_

_

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_**EN: **Well hello there, no questions this time. :) It's just good to have technology again XD._  
_


	16. Wicked and Divine

**AN: **_See-What-Had-Happened-Was: _projects, exams, life, all types of procrastination, my "Muse" went into hiding, and tvtropes took up space as an addiction. It's okay, I'll get rehab. . . eventually. XD Then my darn documents started running out of time. . .

Either way, to make up for my long absence, questions shall be answered.

**Disclaimer: **I have never seen the Night Porter, only heard about it & read a brief summary on wikipedia.**  
**

**Warnings: **I may forget to put something here, since I write scenes out of order ._. Ehh, it's chapter 16 - these haven't been necessary for quite some time.

**

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**

**Quinze**

**::**

_"You trick your lovers,_

_That you're wicked and divine_

_You may be a sinner,_

_But your innocence is mine"_

**-Undisclosed Desires, **MUSE

**::**

Done. The deal was done. The word rang like a gunshot in her mind as she followed an officer down the dimly lit corridor, resounding with finality. _Done. _If Misa's attention hadn't been so fixed on her shoes (keeping up a frightened, innocent appearance), she would have laughed. She would have just let the manic sound of pure relief flow from her lips, without a care. _Oh, she and Raito had so much in common-!_

Outside, the sun was disappearing behind the city skyline, painting the sky a bright orange. She tightened her grip on her jacket, fingers trembling. It was almost as though the world itself expected something wonderful to happen, and was setting up a fitting stage. The normal sounds of the city were drowned out by the rushing in her ears of pure anticipation. To think, in just a few moments they would be one step closer, have one more obstacle removed. It took effort not to grimace at the awkward young detective who waved goodbye to her. No matter. He and all of the other blocks in the road would disappear in due time.

She'd messed up the first time, her own stupid fears getting in the way. But _now_ everything was crystal clear. Misa knew exactly what role she was to serve. There would be no mistake this time around.

Rue Ryuzaki had to die.

_It only made sense._

The only reason Raito had even bothered with such a person was because he knew the liability L could have become, why he had drawn him into the world of Kira, shinigami, and Death Notes. L had gotten himself so lost in it all, so wrapped up, that he'd withheld information. He'd never taken a direct role in the killings, but he'd organized_, _drawn in sources of his own from all over the globe.

At the time, she'd been too consumed by her own stupid jealousy to understand - too distracted by what she'd mistaken for possible interest. That was the way Kira operated, and the young woman cursed herself for not understanding sooner. _That _was why Raito had been so infuriated by L's disappearance - who knew where he was, what information he could have been spreading? Which was why, in the end, Misa had to take things into her own hands.

_"You have to help me, Rem!" Misa pleaded, staring up at the hulking figure before her. Her heart was beating so hard, she was sure that everyone in the entire building could hear it, pounding away like a sledgehammer. God, what if Raito found her like this? What would he have said if he knew it was all her fault? That she was the one who'd thrown a wrench into everything he'd worked out so carefully? The idea of Kira's merciless anger directed towards her was too much to bear. Not when she only wanted to love him and be loved in return for it.  
_

_Rem stared down at her as if she was examining the blond through a microscope. "Misa. You don't deserve any of this." Her speech, slow as always, was different. Rem's normally flat tone seemed to tremble whenever she said her name, full of a sadness Misa couldn't quite understand._

_"But I was..." she paused, remembering the exact words Raito had used to describe such displays of emotion. "I was weak, and foolish. Rem, _please_."_

_The shinigami looked away from her, but her gaze returned on that last syllable."As you wish. I will take care of you one more time."_

_Misa smiled shakily, large brown eyes shining. "Th-thank you."_

_Rem, eyes closed, could only nod. Looking back, Misa supposed that if the creature could cry, she would have._

Now, all she needed was for one of the cops to follow her tip, to find Matt and Mello on their way with L. Once Raito was god of the world, there would be no need for the two anyway. _Ha- _she was killing two birds with one stone. The only thing left at this point was to find Light before anyone else could. Even if it was just for a moment, just to hear his praise, to see him give her that smile. The smile that always seemed to say that everything was alright. The smile she hadn't seen in what felt like an eternity.

**::**

Once, while working as Ryuzaki the secretary, L had stumbled into one of the higher-ups' offices, and found them watching a movie. Though they were quick to turn the screen off, and sputter about how they hadn't expected anyone to come in, they didn't argue when L invited himself to sit down and inspect the movie's cover.

_The Night Porter_, the man had explained, cheeks still red with embarrassment. A movie about the "relationship" between a former SS officer and a concentration camp survivor. That is, if you could have dignified it with the term 'relationship'. Years after the war, they reunited and continued with their sadomasochistic rendezvous.

The movie had been all but lost on L. His coworker had tried to explain Stockholm Syndrome and human beings' tendencies to repeat history (badly, at that).

_"It's all psychological," he said, having finally decided on an excuse. "I was watching...for the psychology."_

None of it made sense. The idea of being near someone you should have despised was enough to put L off. But to actually _involve_ yourself with such a person? To accept the feelings of a complete monster, all for some twisted sort of lust. It was ridiculous, laughable, _unbelievable_. L had been sure that those kinds of emotions were simply made up, embellished drastically just for the sake of storytelling.

And now, he was starting to understand.

Not to say it didn't still shock and disgust him. No, it still filled him with the same horrible feeling as before, like his stomach was rocking on a boat. There was no way to describe it - no way to describe _anything_. Nothing that didn't make the former detective want to tear his hair out from the sheer frustration. He had to have been a tool in the grand scheme, a piece in the game. _Had to_.

_"What makes you say that?" Raito asked quietly. Though L had long noticed it, the fact that his voice rarely matched his facial expression once again reared its ugly head. His voice was laced with concern, though the expression on his face was nothing short of neutral. "You really think I'd kill you like that?"_

_L swiveled his chair away just to avoid having to look the younger man in the eye. The fact that Raito seemed to think he could use the same bullshit tactics on L has he did to everyone else was insulting. Hoping that Raito would catch the hint and drop the conversation, he fixed his gaze on his computer screen, pretending as though Eraldo Coil's latest case was the most fascinating thing in the world. (Pointless really - everyone at Interpol already knew what would happen to the perpetrators. But ignoring it meant giving Kira the satisfaction.) "Hypothetically, of course. If you get Kira gets his way, he won't need any of his former associates. I'm sure this has already been established."_

_"Haven't I told you not to address me like that?" Of all the statements to react to... Raito never ceased to amaze him. Strange how a man who got pleasure from killing could get his feathers ruffled whenever he was called a "killer."  
_

_"Regardless."_

_Eyes still glued to the screen, L paid no attention to the creaking of Raito's chair as the brunette got up from his seat. There was, however, no ignoring the hand that snaked its way through his hair._

_L let out a small sound of surprise when his chair was turned around. "How many times will I have to ask Raito-kun to keep his hands to hims-"_

_"You're wrong, L," the murderer said mockingly. As was his penchant, he was too close for comfort. Up that close, L could see every last detail in his brown eyes; the flecks of reddish coloring, the way they glinted with amusement. "Who said I'd be finished with you?"_

* * *

**End Note: **yes, the "Sun painting the sky orange" was a reference to the very first chapter :). Ahh, I wanted to keep Misa still sort of clueless, even though she's practically the main antagonist. I really don't want to flanderize characters, so I kept her obsessive creepy stalker-ness intact. I think we tend to forget about it after an arc of ditziness.

**Next Chapt: **Sochiro time :)

If you genre-savvy readers remember from way back when

1. At the Yagami house, Light sad he was using Rem's book. :) Here is why Rem isn't there to slap it out of his hands or something. (Not that she would, but it would be kind of hilarious. XD)  
2. Takada's "Are you going to get rid of me too?"


	17. Loaded Gun

**AN: **Next time we do this multi-chaptered story thing, I've _got to _start saving the chapters. My own typos are blinding me whenever I go back to reread.

On another note, it's past Monster's first birthday. (Geez, I thought I would've had this finished by now XD) I'd like to thank everyone who sat through it, even when it seemed like this story was meandering along and going absolutely nowhere, and putting up with the fact that the only thing I've got planned is the ending.

There's a chance that some point in the future, I'll rewrite the weaker chapters :)

* * *

**Seize**

**::**

_We're a broken people living on a loaded gun  
_

-**The Catalyst; **Linkin Park

_Four riots had taken place that evening alone._

_L parked himself in front of the small television, watching the chaos unfold, right there and yet a million miles away. Politicians who'd once claimed to stand up for justice stood at the head of the crowds, using the mob's excitement to hype themselves up. (But what else could one expect...?) Jagged, black banners waved in the air, KIRA painted on them in blood red letters. Entire families trampled over broken glass, even small children carrying flags and chanting along, smiling as if they were in a parade. One in the U.S. had gotten particularly nasty, a group had attacked the police force that had come to subdue them, bullets spilling with blood._

"Whatever it takes!" _A woman with tears streaming down her face said. She grabbed the microphone away from one of the reporters covering the scene. _"We'll do whatever to support this!" _Behind her, cries of 'A perfect world!', 'A sanctioned world!', 'A beautiful world' could be heard._

_"Whatever is in any way beautiful hath its source of beauty in itself, and is complete in itself; praise forms no part of it." L quoted absentmindedly, tearing his gaze away._

_"So it is none the worse nor the better for being praised," Raito finished. His lips twitched upwards with the satisfied smirk he was trying to hold back. "I'm not sure if I should be extremely flattered or disgusted by-"_

_"By people acting like mindless sheep?" L asked._

_A laugh. "Don't be ridiculous, they've always been like that. Sheep with no shepherd."  
_

**::**

"Look, sir, you're holding up the line!" The woman behind the counter said, her face flushed with annoyance. "We have customers to attend to!"

Under normal circumstances, Sochiro would have taken her frustration as a cue to leave. Yet, these could hardly be called normal - the usual ache that seemed to wear him down to the bone had been replaced with prickly anticipation. He could sitll feel his hands shaking at his sides. "Look," (he glanced down at the girl's nametag as discreetly as he could) "Sana, I'm just asking you to check the records one last time. I was instructed to come here...it's an emergency."

Sana's mouth hardened into a thin line. "Sir..." she looked away from her computer screen to meet the chief's eyes, and trailed off. The young girl's eyebrows knitted together in what looked like confusion - the longer she looked into Sochiro's eyes, the more dumbfounded she seemed. There was a certain familiarity to them, one she couldn't exactly put a finger on.

It clicked.

"Well, actually, there was someone who fit the physical description," Sana said softly. "He went by Hikari, but I don't remember the last name. Ah! Here it is. Hikari Tsukami."

_Hikari. _It was just the sort of hiding-in-plain-sight thing Light would have liked.

It took extreme effort for Sochiro not to lose it then and there when Sana turned the computer screen around to show him the ID photo. After all of that time, it seemed impossible, but _there it was_. _There he was_. The same boy Sochiro had brought news from cases home to, who was just as much a part of the police force as he was. His hair was a few shades lighter than usual, as if it had been dyed and dyed back several times. The eyes had a different look to them, narrower, yet unmistakable.

"Do you have any idea where he could be?" Sochiro asked. At his sides, his hands trembled. (What was the need for aliases and fake ID? Why didn't he want to be found?)

"Um... Sorry, I don't know. But, if it helps, he did leave with somebody." Sana squeezed her eyes shut, sorting through the many faces she saw each day. There had been something odd about that one; he'd given off an aura of strangeness. "I didn't get a name, but he was really weird looking. Like, hunched over and skinny, with these really huge eyes."

Sochiro's heart swan-dived into his stomach. "Thank you, you've been very helpful." He turned around, power-walking for the door.

"Hey!" Sana called after him. "Is he in trouble or something?"

_I hope to God he isn't._

Once in the safety of his own car, Sochiro tried to remember everything that Misa girl had said. She'd mentioned three places specifically; one of them had been used as a sort of "safe spot". In case anything happened, they were supposed to report there and try to grab ahold of the other. Honestly, the idea that there were more than two people in on whatever this was worried Sochiro just as much as everything else.

She'd mentioned something about a warehouse and two cheap motel rooms, rented out by a combination of salaries. (Once again, the fact that there was a network left the chief feeling a bit disgruntled.) If he remembered correctly, Misa had claimed that the second motel room was the safe spot, and that heading there would be the best bet at finding Light. Hands still shaking, he started the car up, trying to remember the name of the place. _Kyogi_. It seemed an odd name for a building, but a quick address check had revealed that it _was_ actually a motel.

Sochiro closed his eyes for a moment, forcing himself to breathe normally. To think, that the answers to everything he'd been looking for were so close...

_..._well, it just didn't seem right._  
_

**::**

It didn't seem possible for the world around Mello to move any slower. The motorcycle's engine roared with impatience, stuck behind yet another red light. And yet, everything around him seemed to pass by with the blissful calm of a Buddhist monk. Cars and pedestrians made their sluggish way around him, the lights changing in slow-motion as if the universe was _purposefully _trying to piss him off. He was in constant motion, as always the sound of his own heart pounding was louder than everything else. Stuck.

If he hadn't respected L so damned much, he would've left this place years ago. Scratch that - if he'd known what the hell to do with himself he would have left a long time ago. Surely there was something exciting out there, something that wouldn't require being under the beck and call of some psychopath.

Or, if one wanted to get technical about it, under the beck and call of _two _psychopaths.

_"Find L and bring him back to me." _She'd had the nerve to order him over the phone. At least the original Kira, _her owner_, had the decency to approach him with caution, and to avoid doing so in general.

Sure, Mello would get L. But she was out of her mind if she thought he would bring him over.

The light changed, and the engine revved up again.

Misa had guessed that he'd be at one of Kira's hideouts, the properties he'd assumed she knew nothing about. Mello had already checked two out of four, with no luck. If he wasn't already so close to the third one, he would have turned around and gone back, wasted another day existing until he was called upon again.

_But, alas..._

Mello had already figured that everything would fall to pieces around him - why not stick around and enjoy the show? Someone had once expressed to him a desire to see the death of the world. Of course, Mello had dismissed it as stupid - he was never one for "deep" phrases or literary bullshit. But now, it seemed different. True. The world was dead, the blond mused as he sped past _yet another _wall with "Kira please kill" painted on it in blood red. It just wasn't aware.

**::**

Out of all the paternal melodrama he'd experienced in the past few days, nothing had bothered Near quite like this. Even though Sochiro's devastation had seemed a bit irrational in the boy's eyes, it was expected, understood. Typical human behavior was always clouded over with emotion. Yet there was one thing that kept him on his toes, left the thoughts already racing in his mind into turbo drive.

"Gevanni, can you call the Chief in here?" Near asked. He added another Transformer to his line of action figures.

"Actually, he appears to have left. No one knows where he went."

Near paused, taking a moment to curl a lock of hair absent-mindedly. _Of course_, he mused, looking at his toys. Each one stared straight ahead, faces impassive. Soldiers on the front line, muskets at the ready, marching right into German snipers, waiting in the grass for the guerrillas to strike. This was way too convenient.

**::**

_"And Kira is the shepherd?" L asked __flatly, arching a non-existant eyebrow.__ He'd never been a fan of Biblical symbolism - it was dreadfully overdone._

_Raito didn't answer, __his eyes fixed on something else. By the door sat a small black bag. He turned to face L, all traces of amusement gone from his face. "Your stuff is packed up..." he said in a dry tone._

_"I never took Yagami-kun as one to state the obvious. But yes, it has been packed away indeed."_

_Was it his imagination, or had the look in those eyes changed completely? They stared with acidity, and L imagined that he could feel them burning tiny holes through his skin. Raito's mouth tightened noticably. "Why?" It wasn't a question so much as a dare. Nevertheless, L decided to treat it as one._

_"I figured that would be obvious as well. I will not be residing here any longer, duty calls." L stood up from his chair, setting the television remote down on the coffee table. "I do not intend to stay."_

_Raito scoffed. "You don't really think I'd let you do that, do you?"_

_L only blinked. "I can assure you, that I wouldn't be able to arrest Yagami-kun legally if I tried. All of my claims would be dismissed as heresay. I highly doubt there are any courts out there that would take me seriously if I claimed that a magical notebook was behind all of Kira's killings?" He paused, nibbling his thumb out of mere habit. "__And rest assured, I've left all pieces of the Note in your care."_

_"Then why are you leaving?"_

_"Well," L sighed, a half-smile playing at his lips. "I've found this whole thing to be overwhelming. I was in it for the mystery, and technically I've solved it, haven't I? I'll be washing my hands of all this Kira business."_

_Raito laughed. It was an inhuman sound. L had noticed over time that Raito had two separate laughs - a feigned one for formality's sake, and a "slightly" less normal one, that only came out when he was truly amused. This sounded like neither one - it was clearly forced, and even more deranged. "No, you won't."_

_"Say what you want, but I will not resume any activities under Kira-"_

_"I don't give a _fuck_. You're not leaving me."_

_L almost laughed at that one. He couldn't have been serious..._

_"What did you think I kept you around for?" Raito said. He walked over to the door, leaning on it and blocking the way. "I might not have made the trade, but Misa had - we just didn't tell you about it." As he spoke, his head was bowed, shadows falling across his angelic face, and changing it into something a bit more demonic. He looked up, as if he were aware of it, rust-colored eyes pinning L to the spot. "I could have killed you at any point I wanted to, L Lawliet. I considered it at the beginning too. Keeping you here was a real risk, I wasn't sure if you could be trusted."_

_L felt his throat go drier and drier with every word._

_"She wanted to do it too," the boy recounted, nose wrinkling slightly. "She would beg me. She knew you were L before you even told her. But _I _spared you." The way he emphasized the 'I' made it sound like a great honor._

_"...For your own personal gain? Amusement? I should have figured."_

_"Both." The brunette walked over to L, tracing a hand down his cheek lightly; the same way a saint might have to someone they'd just blessed. "Because you're mine."_

_Before L could even push his hand away, he pulled the former detective in for a forceful kiss.  
_

* * *

**EN: **_Kyogi = _falsehood. _Hikari _= Light. _"Tsu" _is part of "moon" (Tsuki), and _"Kami" _= God.

Light Yagami is written in kanji as: Light Moon God

**Credits: **the quote at the beginning is from Marcus Aurelius Antoninus, the crowd is chanting lyrics from Zetsubou Billy (Maximum the Hormone), the "Death of the world wish" is from the Los Angelos Beyond Birthday Murder Cases - Nisioisin


	18. And My End

**AN: **School is not good for writing. Either way, this is an **all-flashback chapter. **For the sake of your eyesight, everything is _not_ in italics :)

Agh, sorry for how much this chapter sucks. I actually had a lot of trouble writing this one, for no legitimate reason.

* * *

**Dix-Huit**

"_Enemy, familiar friend_

_My beginning and my end_

_Broken truth, whispering lies"_

**-Nothing and Everything, **RED

**::**

This wasn't happening.

L's mind raced to find some sort of logical explanation somewhere, to no avail. There was no explanation, no rationalizing anything that had happened in the past few months. Not since he'd first made the over-confident decision to follow his suspect down that alley so long ago. Everything had slipped from his fingertips, he'd lost his usually precarious footing and now everything was spiraling down out of his control.

And it was strangely elating.

Something, some part of him stirred – the same part of him that twisted up with nervous excitement whenever the two of them locked eyes, that part that made his head spin and his stomach flutter and tie itself into knots just being in the same room as the murderer. It was foreign, uncomfortable, and absolutely thrilling. It had to stop.

He shoved Raito, sending him stumbling back a few steps. "What…are you…?"

Raito only laughed, eyes dancing with amusement. "Something wrong?" He snorted, leering over the world's greatest detective again. Almost tauntingly, he traced a finger down the raven's cheek. "You're all the same…you all want the same thing." L slapped his hand away, only to have the younger man grab his wrist and hold it in place. "No matter what you say, you could've had me locked up. Your suspicion alone is worth more than any grand jury. They'd be relieved just to have a suspect."

"Though that may be true, it is not the way I operate-"

"Not how you operate, hm?" Raito didn't believe him, eyes narrowing slightly. L's stomach twisted itself with more intensity when the younger man looked at him through lowered lashes. "So what's holding you back? What is it that you want?"

It was becoming harder and harder to breathe – each gulp of air stuck itself in his throat stubbornly. L forced himself not to look away, to keep looking this monster in the eyes. "I don't want…anything from you…"

"Everyone wants something from me," the brunette said, his voice barely above a whisper. As he spoke, he leaned in further until they were both pressed against the wall. "What's your motive?"

Was he aware of what he was doing? The effect that it all had? L could barely stand, his heart was pounding fast enough to burst through his ribs at any moment and-

_("Anything for Kira?" He asked, oh-so-casually._

"_Yes! Kira-kun has changed Misa-Misa's life!")_

No, no, no, no, no – none of this. No matter what Raito believed, he wasn't like the others. He would not bend so easily to the killer's command; not let a few whispered words and calculated caresses turn him into clay.

"I've already told you," L said, forcing his voice to remain steady. His entire face had flushed, that much he could tell. "I wanted to solve this case, to find Kira and how he kills. I have what I want." With each word, he could feel his usual mask of apathy slip away.

"Oh?" The younger man asked, kicking aside his brown suit-jacket. (When had he taken it off? His tie lay in the same crumpled heap.) The corner of his lips twitched upwards in what might have been a smile. "And what about what I want?"

**::**

The door was unlocked. Misa blinked in mild surprise as she slid the hotel key back into her tiny black purse. How unusual – the Raito she knew was always careful about everything, whether or not they had to do with his being Kira. _It was probably that Ryuzaki, _she mused, holding back a dainty snort. It would figure. She wondered why the man bothered hanging around anyway. He was always there, _lurking_, never really speaking. Only exchanging glances at Raito, or staring at the back of his head. (A bit too long for her tastes.)

Well, that was odd as well: the brunette's tie and expensive designer jacket had been left crumpled in a heap on the floor. Frowning to herself, she picked the items up with the care one would show a newborn baby. Maybe he'd been stressed? In a hurry? She couldn't think up a single reason for this sudden show of carelessness.

"_Raiitooo," _she called out softly. No answer. Sighing, she headed towards the suite's bedroom. Misa paused just in front of the door, reaching out to knock. A voice stopped her before her hand even made contact with it.

"_It should stay like this." _Someone was saying. Raito? Unable to resist, Misa pressed her ear against the door, careful not to push it any further.

"_Like what?" _L's usual deadpan drifted through the crack in the door.

"_Just this. Us here, no one else." _Bed springs creaked as someone stood up. She could hear the sounds of footsteps, the door to the bathroom swinging open. It was definitely him. Misa's fingers clenched around the folded jacket she held, her throat going dry.

"_Perhaps Raito-kun has forgotten that he was the one to bring in so many others," _L said.

"_I know that," _came a snappish reply. Raito sighed heavily. _"I've been thinking about that. About everything. And it doesn't make sense to have so many people involved…there can only really be one God of the World."_

…

The bundle of clothes dropped from her hands to the floor – not that she noticed. Misa swallowed hard, shaking from the dull pain that followed. Her hands trembled at her sides, and pins stung the back of her eyes. _No, _she tried to reassure herself. Who said he was talking about her? It could have been that Takada woman, or even L himself. It was useless, but it was all that she could do to keep herself from collapsing right then and there.

"_Yagami-kun cannot possibly mean that."_

"_She's outlived her usefulness," _Raito declared, yawning offhandedly. Everything about him was so casual; there was no change from a greeting to passing a judgment. _"What does it matter to you anyway?"_

The door to the bathroom closed behind him with a soft _click! _Misa inhaled suddenly, sharply (when had she been holding her breath?) This wasn't happening. There was no way – absolutely no way that this was really the man she loved, casually discussing her death with the one she despised. The Raito she knew would never have said those things; he would never have been so cold. Without thinking, she leaned against the door for support, sending it open a crack further.

L started, looking up from where he was laying on the bed, dark eyes wide. Other discarded items of clothing peppered the floor like confetti, decorative pillows scattered amongst them. He didn't say anything, simply staring like a deer caught in headlights. (Which one was the deer?)

His eyes seemed to apologize.

Misa turned on her heel and ran.

**::**

Unable to stop the hot tears pouring down her face, Misa slammed the car door shut, burying her face on the steering wheel. It wasn't happening, it wasn't happening, it wasn't happening, it wasn't – her mind repeated the mantra over and over, as though she could consciously erase her own memory. The image of his kind smile burned behind her eyelids, showing up every single time she blinked.

Why would he say something like that? Why would he…and L…?

L. It was _always_ L. L who had trailed behind them like a shadow, passing judgment with lifeless eyes. Their greatest liability. And now he had gotten himself involved even further. He wouldn't back off from the future she envisioned living with Raito, he wouldn't disappear no matter how badly she wanted him to.

Disappear. Cease to exist.

It struck her like lightning. Misa tore her glove compartment open, rummaging through the various papers until she found the familiar leather-bound book.

"Misa, what are you doing?" Rem asked from the backseat. Misa hadn't even noticed the shinigami's presence, but that hardly mattered.

"Fixing things," she answered. The frantic nausea she'd experienced only moments ago was replaced by elation – there was just something so _wonderful_ about having life and death dangle between your fingertips.

Absolutely wonderful.


	19. If It Looks Like I'm Laughing

**AN: **I am so, so, so, so sorry. Nothing's been working out for me so far and argh! Alright, that's enough excuses. Let's move on.

* * *

**Dix-Neuf**

**::**

"_If it looks like I'm laughing, I'm really just asking to leave"_

-**The Sharpest Lives, **My Chemical Romance

**::**

"I really don't like this," Matsuda muttered under his breath as he pulled up to the curb, parking across from the tall hotel building. He watched the chief's coat billow out behind him as he raced into the building with all the franticness of a madman. A pair of binoculars sat in his lap, untouched. "You know, I don't like the way this Near is running things either."

"You've only mentioned it a thousand times," Ukita said blandly, reaching for his own pair of binoculars.

"W-well it's true!" The rookie detective stammered. "He acts like he knows everything, and I hate the way he talks down to all of us!"

"He probably knows more than we do."

"But really? Following the chief? You don't think he suspects Yagami-san or anything, do you? Oh come on," Matsuda said when the older man rolled his eyes impatiently. "We're keeping surveillance on him like he's some type of common criminal. Don't tell me you're okay with all this."

Ukita was silent, only setting the binoculars down again. "He's heading back to his car."

Sighing, Matsuda started the car up again, waiting for Sochiro to pull out of the parking lot. No matter how many times Ukita reassured him (though "scoffed at his ideas" was more like it), he couldn't shake the discomfort that climbed his spine like a ladder. L hadn't exactly been the most sociable – even with the amnesia, but Near's reign felt more like a hostile takeover than a change in management. He felt even more out of the loop than he had during the first few years of the investigation, where L had kept a "person of special interest" to himself so as not to "jeopardize" the case by letting anyone with a personal bias in. Whatever that had meant.

He was beginning to wonder if _anyone _had any clue what they were doing, let alone Near. Apparently, a tip had been left behind by a person Near had suspected was important, but the woman had been released a short while afterwards. And now they were following their own leader on a wild goose chase.

"What is he even looking for?" Ukita asked flatly. "I've never seen him get so worked up."

Matsuda said nothing, eyebrows knitted together in a confused frown. _Hopefully an answer._

**::**

"What do you mean he's not there?" Misa screeched into the phone, panic dripping from her voice. "Where else would he be?"

Mello's voice was mockingly calm. "You think I would know? I got here, and the place was empty. That's it."

Misa dropped the phone down as though it had burned her. No, this didn't make any sense. Raito was supposed to have left Ryuzaki at the extra warehouse, just like he knew she would. He was predictable like that…or at least, he had been before. It was beginning to seem like she didn't know him at all.

She shook her head as though the thought would fall right out of her ears. No, no, no. No one knew him like she did. No one else would go to the same lengths to ensure their future like she would. The thought wasn't anywhere near as comforting as it usually was. Misa realized with a start that she'd been clawing at her own face, red nails digging into her forehead.

"…Hello?" Mello's voice on the other line brought her out of her reverie. "Yeah, I think I'm just gonna go now."

She picked the public phone up from where it dangled on its cord and slammed it down with unnecessary force. Okay. She could work her way through this. Fate wouldn't let this happen. Their new world was meant to be. Nothing could possibly get in their way.

Misa took a deep breath, leaning on the phone without a care for staining her clothes. What would the next best step be? If Ryuzaki wasn't there, then Raito must have had him somewhere else. She had to find Raito…

Where would he have been…? Probably with someone who would keep quiet about their location, someone willing to follow an order without question. _Of course._

She hurried back to her car, speeding off down in the opposite direction she'd come. Hopefully Mikami hadn't been warned about her possible appearance.

**::**

"Hang tight," Mello told the other passenger on his motorcycle calmly, snapping a corner off of a chocolate bar. He tossed the cheap, temporary cell phone aside, crushing it beneath his shoe. "Can't afford to have them checking up on us."

L only stared, eyes wide. (Which, honestly, didn't say very much.) "Why did you lie about it?"

Mello snorted, pulling his helmet back on. "Technically, it's true. You aren't at the warehouse, are you? And you won't be anywhere they'll find you." He climbed back onto the motorbike, revving the engine up a few times.

L was quiet, but held onto his former successor anyway.

"You might wanna put your helmet on," Mello added. "We're going off course."

"Where?"

Mello smiled bitterly. "Someone wants to see you."

**::**

Near stared down at the mess of toys before him, scanning the stacks and piles of die, playing cards, and action figures as though the answers to everything lay within their ranks. Aizawa stood behind him, staring at the mess in dumbfounded silence.

"And how exactly does this answer-"

"Wait," Near instructed, not looking up. He reached out for small box, containing what appeared to be Lego figurines. Each had sloppy, Japanese labels carved into them, with crude faces painted on as though in an afterthought. Carefully, the boy lined the array of toys up inside of the miniature city he had built out of dice. "Can you see it now?"

Aizawa blinked. "That one's the chief," he said, pointing towards a gray one with glasses. "And he's being followed by…?"

"Ukita-san and Matsuda-san," Near answered. "They're all headed south."

Aizawa gestured towards a blond one with fish-like red lips. "Amane, heading in the opposite direction?"

Near nodded. "Yes. Chances are, since she was so willing to give up information about Kira, she's making an escape as far away from the police as possible." Though it was only a hypothesis, he seemed incredibly sure. Aizawa chose not to question it.

Aizawa picked up two figurines, standing together. One of them had large, owl-like eyes, and the other was a blond with a psychotic smirk. "Ryuzaki? Me-ro?"

"Yes. They're coming west, towards us." A smile crossed Near's face, though it didn't exactly look genuine. "An ally of mine has arranged for that."

"Where is the chief headed?" Aizawa asked.

The smile slid off of Near's face as quickly as it had appeared. "That's not the most important question. What matters more," he said, reaching for the only figurine that wasn't arranged among the die, "is this one."

* * *

**EN: **Agh, I know I promised to have more Sochiro, but I'm having trouble fitting it in with the original ending I'd planned out over a year ago. (To think, _Monster_'s already that old…) I promise he has not dropped off of the face of the earth. Unlike I have in terms of updates.

Thank you for sticking with it, though I know I don't reply to reviews like I used to, but every one means a lot to me. Danke!


	20. It's Never Silent

**AN: **there's nothing like random (late) bursts of inspiration. Sorry the numbers got screwed up, I'll fix them later. And what's a finale without some clichéd weather?

There will probably be one or two more chapters, then the epilogue. Wow.

* * *

**Vingt**

**::**

_You have set your heart on haunting-_

_Me forever from the start_

_It's never silent_

**-Nearly Witches, **Panic! At the Disco

**::**

Gray clouds rolled in overhead, covering the darkening sky like a blanket. The sharp smell of rain permeated the air, though not a single drop had fallen yet. Though he hadn't been in 'captivity' for a very long amount of time, L still took the sights in as though he hadn't seen the sky in years. Depending on where Mello was taking him, who knew when the next time he'd see rain again would be?

He'd spent half of the ride trying to come up with an escape route, the other half just holding on for dear life. The boy drove like a madman, weaving through traffic and often just barely missing knocking the rearview mirror off of a nearby vehicle. Letting himself fall off of the motorcycle was completely out of the question. He'd just have to wait for them to stop and work everything out from there. That wasn't going to be the worst part though. The worst was trying to figure the blond boy out.

Last time they'd spoken, Mello had been working his way up through Kira's network, and reporting whatever small bits of information he could find from inside. But too much time had passed for L to be able to tell what Mello's motives were anymore. Maybe the power serving the self-proclaimed "god" far outweighed hoping for a chance to surpass the World's Greatest Detective. Mello didn't say much of anything, which only made it impossible for L to guess.

_He did respect me before…but he also respects power._

"We're here," Mello said gruffly.

L had been so caught in his inner monologue; he hadn't even realized where they'd been heading. His head was dully throbbing (turned out Raito's loss of temper had done a lot more than just hurt him), and his knees had turned into jelly, but he could have gotten down and kissed the ground. The police headquarters stood in front of him, officers bustling in and out. No place had ever looked as beautiful.

"Well, come on," Mello said, motioning for L to follow.

A few of the men inside looked shocked to see the two of them. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Aizawa on crutches, gaping at him as though he a ghost. The department's fluorescent lighting must have made him look even mort ghastly than he felt.

"Mogi!" Mello shouted across the room. "Where's the little shit?"

Mogi nearly dropped the stack of papers he'd been carrying, but pointed down the hall nonetheless.

Mello half walked, half dragged L down the hallway to a large door. He pounded on it with his fist.

"Open up before I blow the damned lock off!"

"_A simple 'please' would have sufficed."_

L's eyes widened. "Near?"

"Unfortunately," Mello snorted. "_Your_ people weren't doing anything right, so we had to step in."

The door swung open, revealing the small boy amongst a city of dice towers. He didn't turn around, only picking up another dice and adding it onto one of the shorter buildings. After Mello's driving, he seemed sloth-like by comparison.

"Did you get it?" Near asked flatly.

"Why don't you turn around and answer that yourself?" Mello responded. He looked at L and rolled his eyes.

"I'll take that as a yes. Welcome back, L." Near pushed himself up off of the floor, flashing L a strange smile. "Your presence has been greatly missed." The way he said it, L couldn't have been sure how much of that statement was genuine.

"So what's going on, now?" Mello asked, leaning against one of the walls. He unwrapped a half-eaten chocolate bar, snapping a square off with his teeth like a crocodile.

"It would seem that the chief has been sent on a wild goose chase. I've got two men tailing him, just in case he should happen to wind up in the right place after all. And of course, we'll have to see just what the second Kira could have set for him to let her go."

At the sound of the phrase 'second Kira,' L's stomach twisted itself into a knot. "You had her here, and she got away?"

Near's face was almost a pout, which was possibly more unnerving than his smile. "Apparently she made a deal with the chief that she would trade information about something... of much more importance to him if he'd let her go. He listened without consulting the others first."

"Raito," L said.

Near and Mello exchanged glances.

"Yes. Yagami Light. However, we don't have any idea where he could be now."

"Should've followed the second one," Mello snorted.

"We _would have_ if she wasn't released without permission," Near said. "But chances are, now that we've got you, he'll show his face at some point. We'll just have to be careful." He shot a pointed glance at Mello when he said 'careful.'

"How soon do you suppose 'some point' will be?" L asked. Though it would have been better to just wrap the entire thing up, part of him hoped that 'point' would be far off in the distant future. The former detective wanted nothing more than to just escape from the web he'd tangled himself up in.

"Are you familiar with the term 'monomania?'" Near asked, picking up a few dice and continuing to stack them.

"A pathological obsession with one person, idea, or thing," L recited.

"It's just a theory, but Mello and I suspect that our suspect might have one of two forms of it. Idée Fixe, a fixation on an ideal, which would explain the preoccupation with cleansing the world. Or de Clerambault's syndrome."

"Erotomania," Mello added in. "When a delusional person thinks that they have an admirer and returns their imagined advances, whether the 'admirer' spurns them or not."

Near nodded. "So, depending on which one, it could be quite some time before we see Kira again… or a matter of hours."

**::**

Light twirled the extra key around his fingers, resisting the urge to whistle. Everything had been going perfectly…too perfectly. It was probably only a matter of time before something went wrong, and he had a pretty good idea of what that _something_ would be.

The spare phone in his pocket felt like a brick compared to his usual one, but there was one important difference between the two. This one didn't have Misa listed. Once he settled into the apartment, he would get rid of that burden once and for all. She had been so useful in the beginning; it would almost be a shame to end that. …Almost.

"Teru," he called out as he opened the door. He'd instructed the lawyer to vacate the apartment before he'd arrived, but it wouldn't hurt to double check. Teru Mikami was ridiculously obedient, but he was also ridiculously ritualistic. It had probably taken the man extra effort to drag himself out of his usual schedule.

There was no answer.

He reached for the lights, squinting as his eyes adjusted.

"Raito-kun!"

The brunette froze. He knew the voice, but he didn't want to acknowledge that. Hoping that it had been some kind of hallucination, he switched the light on. "…Misa?"

She was there, seated on the couch, smiling absentmindedly at him. Misa looked messier than he'd ever seen her – her makeup smudged, her hair all over the place, clothes rumpled. Her neck and ears were strangely devoid of jewelry. A half-empty bottle of wine sat in front of her on the coffee table, along with a glass. From the look of it, she'd been there for a while.

"What is it?" Misa sat up suddenly. "Is it my hair?" She smoothed it down quickly. "I didn't get to fix it today." With a dull pang, he noticed that there were angry red scratches across her forehead.

"What are you doing here?" He asked.

She giggled, standing up from her seat. She had to grab the back of the sofa for support, tottering in her high heels. "I wanted to see you, of course," the blonde slurred.

Misa stumbled over to him, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I missed it being just us, don't you? No one else in the world."

He pushed her away standing back against the door. She fell over backwards, just barely avoiding slamming her head on the corner of the table. "Are you fucking kidding me?" He spat. "There was never an 'us.'"

"But we…" Misa sat up, staring up at him as though she was seeing him for the first time. "All those nights…"

"What about them?" He asked, staring down at her. Raito had never seen a more pathetic sight. He'd known she wasn't anything, but to actually _see_ it was another story altogether. How stupid of him. He'd expected her to face the truth with some sort of dignity.

Raito needed to get out of there. He reached for the door, but a small, metallic _click_froze him in his tracks.

"Did he make you say that?" Misa asked, her voice shaking. "He ruins everything!" She came up behind him, slipping an arm around his waist.

"What…?" The words stuck in his throat.

"It's okay, dear," she whispered, pressing the barrel of the gun into his back harder. "We won't need to worry about any of them anymore."

* * *

**EN: **Crazy characters are the best kinds of characters.


End file.
